Janelle Monae's "Nonbinary Freedom" & Self-Love Journey

Still from Janelle Monae’s “Waterslide” music video

Let’s talk about Janelle Monae coming out as non-binary as an expression of her truest, most authentic, freedom-loving self. 

Now, I don’t follow many celebrities. And in fact, I don’t listen to a lot of mainstream music. But there are some Artists who I appreciate on a more holistic level, and who I like to check up on every once in a while to see what music videos or interviews they’ve done, to witness their journey as an Artist and human being. Janelle Monae is one of those Artists. 

I first saw Janelle perform at Afropunk in 2012—back when Afropunk was free, and when Janelle still wore her “worker’s uniform” to every concert. Then, in 2018, I met Tessa Thompson, who was, at the time, Janelle’s rumored girlfriend—at a nude women’s spa in Los Angeles. I chatted with her and her Mama in the mugwort tub.

I couldn’t place where I recognized Tessa from when we first met, but months later, I realized that she had starred as Janelle Monae’s love interest in Dirty Computer, a movie I would later include in a blog post with 13 intentionally-curated black lesbian films. 

Although I don’t follow Janelle Monae super closely—I have always appreciated her work and honored her presence as a multi-talented black woman Artist, and Style Icon. 

So when it came time to check up on Ms. Monae this year, I was more than a little disturbed to see that her latest music videos, were glorifying queer & trans culture. 

There’s a lot that I could say about how Janelle infused her videos with the “total package” of queer culture, which idolizes obesity, mental illness, and which glamorizes women having casual sex as the ultimate form of sexual liberation. 

But the imagery that stood out to me the most (and which also happens to be the most-played timestamp on Youtube) is the part of Janelle’s “Waterslide” video, where she is dancing alongside two black women: one who has bare breasts, and one who has had them surgically removed for transgender “top surgery”.

It’s very much giving Black Trans Joy™️. 

Both of her music videos were like cinematically beautiful orgies for black “queer” people, against the backdrop of a catchy tune, where everyone could “get free”, have a great time, and also get plenty of brownie points for mutilating their bodies in the name of transgenderism. 

I thought about how powerful that imagery is: Janelle Monae being a well-respected celebrity figure, and one of the few black women artists in the public eye who is openly bisexual and gender non-conforming—creating this visual environment for everyday people with everyday problems to escape into: A space that symbolizes fun, community, love, freedom, desirability—all existing within this staged black queer-trans utopia. 

Come on in, The water’s fine!

How influential is it to have Janelle—a beautiful, talented Artist, partying with, and celebrating a woman’s choice to cut her breasts off as a way to denounce her womanhood? All I could think of was my early teen self, who idolized women in music videos as the standard of coolness, beauty, and desirability. How many impressionable young girls and women will look at that video and say,

“Hey…if I cut off my breasts, maybe I’ll be cool and beautiful and worthy enough, too!”

Upon doing a bit of research, my intuition was confirmed. Here is a snippet from Cat Jones’ Instagram post, the “trans-masculine” model who was dancing alongside Janelle Monae: 

Not to make it political, but I’m making it political.

To everyone whose hit me up after seeing me in the waterslide music video I feel so seen and loved.

I had a mixed bag of emotions with this shoot. I was the only queer masc person on set and navigating that was interesting. I do wanna go deeper into that but that will be another post.

Knowing that other queer masc folks feel seen when seeing me in the video means the world to me. Knowing that “yea! I can be in front of the camera and apart of the conversation around sex, joy, play, fun, & desire if I want to, and deserve to be in this space if this is where I wanna be!” That’s something that fills me up.

…

All I can say is…Janelle Monae really sold this shit and made it look cool. 

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I saw those videos a few weeks ago, and that is when I looked deeper, only to find that some publications were referring to Janelle as “Non-binary”. The last time I saw journalists saying this about Janelle a couple of years ago, it seemed like they were just twisting her words and running with them. There was no evidence that she had claimed a nonbinary identity for herself.

So, once again, I wanted to see what she had to say about this, in her own words. 

When I discovered that Janelle had recently done a couple of interviews speaking about her self-love journey and non-binary identity, I was intrigued to listen. I really wanted to understand where she was coming from, and especially from the perspective of a self-love journey. 

Interestingly enough, as I was listening to her most recent interviews, I found myself nodding along to many of the things she was saying. In one interview, I truly resonated with what she said about not allowing the burden of the male gaze to impede on her freedom to wear what makes her feel good in her body. 

In another interview, I nodded to the idea that we should all have access to therapy, and how receiving support around her mental health has helped her address her abandonment wounds. She also spoke about how important it is to be confident in your own work as an Artist, and not allow other people’s opinions to shake you. 

These statements were all clearly the product of deep reflection and moving with the intention of accessing greater self-love.

But when she proudly asserted (and made sure to let us know!) in both interviews—that she was non-binary—it simply didn’t add up. 

If you’re happy with yourself, and you love and embrace yourself as you are, why is identifying as non-binary, so necessary?

When someone comes out as “Nonbinary” as a way of pulling back the veil and showcasing their “true authentic self” it feels a lot like an anti-climactic reveal at the end of a long drumroll. It’s one of those things that makes me go, 

¿HUH?

It was the same ¿huh? moment I had, when she talked about how she was wearing her masculine-cut worker’s uniform to really honor them, and I rewound the video because I genuinely thought she was using them in the regular, plural sense. I thought I might’ve missed the part where she mentioned her parents—since I knew that in years prior, she had mentioned how her clothing was an ode to her working class upbringing. 

But alas, No! Janelle was talking about herself, using they/them pronouns. She was talking about honoring the more androgynous aspect of her fashion sense, which of course must be punctuated with a linguistic sidestep away from womanhood. 

She spoke about non-binary identity as if it were some hallmark of her freedom, and in the same breath, grabbed her breasts and spoke about embracing her body in its natural form. 

Janelle Monae’s Interview with Style Like U

Does she understand that the ideology behind Transgenderism is one that directly promotes female self-hatred and bodily dissociation? 

Did it ever register that Nonbinary and Trans identity is antithetical to embracing your natural being as a woman? Did she ever consider that this ideology that she claims is her expression of “self-love and truth” is the same ideology that the woman in her music video, has engaged with as a tool for self-harm?

I understand that there are some women who want to define what Nonbinary means for themselves, and slap the label on as if they made it up themselves, as if it doesn’t carry any cultural meaning—but it does. Nonbinary does not exist in a vacuum. It doesn’t exist in your personal vacuum. It’s attached to all of these other harmful facets that most people don’t want to look at. 

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In the other interview I watched, Janelle was speaking about her journey with Polyamory, and how she has discovered herself as “loving multiple people” in the way any other person can have more than one best friend. 

Polyamory and Open Relationships have really become a thing in “Queer” circles, and it’s even reached a point where lots of straight people have started to call themselves “Queer” simply for being ‘open’ to having more than one heterosexual relationship at a time, as if it’s a unique sexual orientation unto itself.

Funny. Something straight folks have been doing for centuries, suddenly gives them the right to appropriate a homophobic slur. That said, it never surprises me when a queer, non-binary or trans-identifying person also practices polyamory.

Folks act like Polyamory is this enlightened new paradigm, when really it’s just the same old Wokie Doke bullshit.

It’s just another part of the package deal of Queer culture that people buy and ravenously consume to rebrand their unresolved issues, instead of actually healing them.

Open relationships are an easy way for people to pretend they’re being responsible adults in emotionally irresponsible relationships. It’s also a way for people to run away from their childhood wounds through the distraction of sex and constant honeymoon phases. 

Where men are involved, it’s just a way for them to get more pussy that they don’t deserve, and put women at greater risk for things that they will never have to worry about in a casual sex arrangement. 

I am saying this, having been part and parcel of a few lesbian and bisexual polyamorous arrangements, witnessing them in many other people’s lives from a distance, and studying ‘expert opinions’ about them. Polyamory is marketed as an expression of freedom, but I ultimately I see it as a pathway to dysfunction. 

I don’t think casual sex good for women, just in terms of how we are wired biologically: We release oxytocin and emotionally bond with people we have sex with very quickly, whether they are right for us or not. In general, sex comes with more risks and considerations for us.

As far as female pleasure is concerned, we develop greater capacity for sexual pleasure when we have the right depth of connection and alignment with ourselves, and with our partner.

It takes a lot of energy to share pussy. It’s one of the most intimate parts of you. You can’t make yourself available for the fullness of lovemaking when you’re doling out so much pussy, to so many people.

And that’s not on a slut-shaming tip. It’s just real talk.

When it comes to mating, human beings are suited to pair bond: To be in a secure partnership, with one person at a time. Ultimately, that’s what we all want—is secure, loving relationships.

It takes time, intention, and conscious self-work to attract one partnership that is truly healthy and aligned for us. When we find that relationship—it’s very special, and nurturing and sustaining that partnership becomes a major investment in our lives.

So I don’t really buy that we can so easily find, and equally “lovingly” invest in 2, 3, 4, or 8 of those people at a time, on a rolling basis—unless of course, you’re willing to sacrifice quality. 

Look at the world we live in. Most people are unwell. The wider you cast your net for who you get intimate with, the lower your standards will have to be.

With all of this said, Janelle’s talk about self-love and freedom, didn’t really match up with the other values she was espousing. 

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I want to say- the fact that I am critiquing Janelle Monae’s usage and relationship with Queer and Trans culture, does not mean I believe she’s trying to create a false narrative around self-love and freedom. 

It’s not like I see her as some big corporate institution who is trying to make a profit off of the pain within the Black and LGB community. Yes, she is wealthy and highly influential, and there is some responsibility that comes with that. But it’s not lost on me that she, as someone who has navigated life as a bisexual, gender-nonconforming woman, with her own set of traumas—would fall prey to this ideology in her own way. 

I simply believe that Janelle is drinking the same kool-aid that so many other people are drinking, in an effort to feel better, and to embody our fucked up ideals of social and political progression. 

I’ve personally been on my own self-love and healing journey for more than a decade, and I’ve had many twists, turns, and bumps. Although I’ve always been somewhat critical of the trans movement, if you had spoken to me two years ago, I still would’ve been with my nonbinary ex, calling her they/them without skipping a beat, and not taking any issue with it, because I genuinely felt that was the right thing to do at that time, and for that particular person.

I still consider myself of having been on a self-love journey during that era, in the sense that I was consciously engaged with my own capacity for healing. The relationships I had with self-identified queer, trans, and nonbinary women, have all played a major role in my healing journey, and they’ve contributed to my understanding of the darker intricacies within this movement. 

I can look back on many points in my self-love journey over the years and say that I had come a long way, but I was still in pain! There was a lot of work I had left to do on myself before I could really live my best and healthiest existence. I’m still a work in progress. 

That is akin to how I see this situation. Whenever I see someone claim that they are Nonbinary, it’s a clear sign that there is a lot of work to do in the realm of self-love and healing, and Janelle Monae is no exception. 

It’s not so much that I see Janelle as being prone to drastic forms of self-harm in the name of a nonbinary identity, such as cutting off her breasts or taking hormones.

It’s more so that, I don’t believe it’s possible to be lost in the sauce within the Queer/Trans Cult, and fully love yourself at the same time. The Queer community is incredibly toxic, and full of smoke and mirrors. As I’ve said before, what they call a “community” is at best, nothing more than a massive, dysfunctional family.

….

But the one thing I did appreciate in Janelle’s interviews is that she speaks about her journey as an actual journey—which I resonate with. 

Self love is not a destination—it’s indeed, a practice. It’s a process. It’s a journey that one must devote themselves to, and transformation occurs over time. Despite some of the things I witnessed in Janelle’s work that I felt were harmful, I still see her, and I trust that she’s out here doing her best. 

I genuinely hope that Janelle Monae finds a path within her journey that allows her to see how some of the narratives she’s adopted, are misaligned with what she so passionately claims to want for herself and others:

Love and Freedom.