This is such a great essay, thank you. Although I am an elderly (77 and grateful I’m still here) straight white woman, I share your concerns regarding nonbinary, womanhood and the importance of connection and meaningful intimacy in loving relationships. I loathe being called cis and assigned female at birth. Observed and recorded female.
Thank you so much for reading, Betty! I'm grateful you're still here too! These conversations are certainly cross-generational as they affect all women.
Another great piece, thank you! You have well articulated my thoughts and misgivings on the nonbinary identity. I was steeped in the various "woke" ideologies for many years at my work and passively went along with the program for fear of confrontation and ostracization. After getting out, I have been able to better articulate my thoughts and find many other "herterodox" thinkers to aid me, like yourself.
You kept popping up in my notes the past year or so with interesting posts and I was hooked when you released the excellent Paulie Murray piece. I enjoyed listening to your Free Black Thought interview this summer. Really appreciate your voice and perspective; so many thanks to you for your ability and skill to write from your heart and push back on the prevailing orthodoxy on gender and race.
Thank you so much! I appreciate hearing from you and I'm glad you were able to find my work and add me to your rolodex of inspiring heterodox thinkers 🌺
What a gorgeous article. It is SO WELL articulated and echoes a lot of what I've also witnessed in QTBIPOC / poly circles, both as an observer and a (temporary) participant. Indeed, claiming nonbinary as an statement of self-love is a self-contradiction. It is wild to me that that so many QTBIPOC-identified people seem to have their heads on straight in other portions of their self-love journeys, yet miss this glaring inconsistency. And it is wild to me that it is taboo to even question the orthodoxy of nonbinary and trans ideology in those spaces, even from a shared intention of healing the wounds that come with being "nonconforming" in a society that rewards conformity. Sometimes, I think of the amazing conversations that I might have had with old QT identified female friends had we all cultivated the ability to "go there," and talk about what it *really means* to be self-loving in a culture that would much rather we dissociate and self-harm. Nevertheless, I wish them all health and wholeness. I'm also on my journey. Thank you for the clarity of this article.
Yassss thank you so much, Sia. I so feel you on this piece with the cognitive dissonance that so many QT-identified women have. So many amazing women have fallen for the wokie doke, and ultimately sacrifice their ability to fully and holistically love themselves as a result. There are definitely some major blockages there. I do have faith that there will be more space for conversation in the future, as the paradigm inevitably crumbles. I appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts. 💜
I bet you don’t have any of this insanity in Gaza, Sudan, Ukraine, …people here have too much time thinking about just themselves! They don’t have any real problems, just self absorption!
White Heterosexuals started calling themselves "Queer" since 2015. It dovetailed with the "Trans Tipping Point " with Laverne Cox on the cover of Time magazine.
I would advise you to make a Medium account, if you don't already have one. They will have an archive of when articles first popped up "Am I Queer Enough" "What My Queerness Means for Me" etc.
I'm counting on you to one day write a book about the history of this Era. The actual beginnings which relies on French philosophers they are focused on theories of the individual. The Godfather of Queer Theory: Micheal Foucault. He was known to have sexcation in Algeria where he fucked 9 and 10 year old brown and black boys.
But I will tell you why the Trans Liberation Movement was so embraced by White Liberals. Since 1989 through the present, 2.5 generation of White students where exposed to Queer Theory and Gender Studies <--( now just transgender studies). They weren't able to participate in the other Civil Rights Movements, but they could be a part of this one from the beginning. Motivated by being " on the right side of history. "
This is another White Men's Rights Movement that only effects the Civil rights of women and girls.
It does not effect MEN, and therefore the White Supremacist Patriarchy or the internal Racial/Ethnic Patriarchies.
Thanks for sharing this, I think I read it several months ago and just reread it after seeing it again. I think it's one of my favorite personal statements about the "QT" shift away from LGB, which is affecting the rest of the culture in the "woke wave" with drastic side-effects, for people personally but also politically.
People are complex, getting to know people is a time investment, so is getting to know oneself. Intimacy and connection are about learning, getting to know your body, not doling it out, renting it, contracting it to doctors or engineers or technologies. This, in fact, is empowering.
Maybe this is the value of the 4B movement today. "A practice, not a destination," as you say. Self-love and freedom: I'm all about them, too. Somewhere people get lost in knowing what's already there in their body, and in trying to embody what they want to believe.
I guess this is the "mind virus" or "drinking the kool-aid" problem.
Hi Anthony! Thank you for reading again and sharing--I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.
"Intimacy and connection are about learning, getting to know your body, not doling it out, renting it, contracting it to doctors or engineers or technologies. This, in fact, is empowering."
I love this. I was just having a discussion with a couple of readers about how so much of healing and recovering from the trans ideology, esp. for women, is about attunement with our bodies. An often overlooked element.
Powerfully expressed, ty. I watch the current mania spread like oil over a shoreline and am profoundly saddened when another one rises, the authentic self made unrecognizable. I don't follow Janelle Monae or any celebrity, really, but have enjoyed occasional exposure to a person who conveys intelligence among other traits. I have a lot of respect for intelligence, but not that it can also become a maelstrom of thought in which rationalizing from all angles can result in startling blindness. I have, on occasion, suffered in this way myself.
Your penultimate paragraph is gracious, a thought I share for her and many others.
Ugh, thank you for saying what I’ve been thinking and keeping to myself.
It was this line for me in particular: “Whenever I see someone claim that they are Nonbinary, it’s a clear sign that there is a lot of work to do.”
Hit the nail 👏🏽 on 👏🏽 the 👏🏽 head!! One of my friends came out to me as nonbinary and when I asked what brought this on, they said “The NFT community I’m in has been sharing their stories and I resonated with their feelings.” 🙄
What I know and witness about my friend is she’s insecure, not properly parented, gullible, and naive. A few months after the announcement, she’s been getting reoccurring yeast infections. I think that’s her bodies way of trying to warn her of the dangers of rejecting her feminine identity. But every time I ask her challenging questions, she avoids me for a few weeks.
It feels great to know that I’m not the only one with thoughts like these. Thank you for writing this!
Hi Vashti, thank you for reading and sharing how my piece resonated with you. 💜 I definitely think getting recurring yeast infections is a psycho-somatic response to rejecting her womanhood, and you also never know what other behaviors might be coming along with her dissociation, which predispose her to reproductive health issues. Sounds like you are not compatible as friends. I distance myself from people who follow gender ideology, no matter how they identify.
Wow, N3VLYNNN, I’ve just read several of your articles and I am moved, and grateful. I have much to process, but parts of me feel sort of home and seen. You’ve put into words what I have been sensing, I am a white woman predominantly attracted to men, and in recovery. I left cult religion only to find myself surrounded by a new kind of cult and addicts. Not wanting to be labeled canceled or whatever I’ve kept quiet and played along. I couldn’t quite name it, but I knew something was deeply wrong.
I actually feel like I’m gonna break in a really good way.
Hi Sara, I’m so glad you found my work and that it’s resonating with you, and making you feel seen and at home. That means SO much to me! I understand the stirrings happening as you recognize the truth of your surroundings. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and journey with me. Thank you. 🌺
I love this article’s deft combination of critique and kindness. True kindness can involve seeing someone else’s actions are not holistically good for them or others. Thank you for writing!
I’ve been trying to read more information from all sides on all things gender,trans,etc, I guess because I want to understand where humanity is at and headed on a broader scale. No matter what aspect of CULTure (gender, religious, political) someone is identifying as/with you hit the nail on the head about “rebranding unresolved issues instead of actually healing them.” My God if people could just stop and take some time to sit with themselves we might actually heal…
"How many impressionable young girls and women will look at that video and say, “Hey…if I cut off my breasts, maybe I’ll be cool and beautiful and worthy enough, too!”"
Girl what 💀💀💀 feminism is not getting erased please sit down
Baby you call this research? 🤣 Just because someone knows how to make a website and put bullshit on there doesn't make it true. Time to block all you terfs
This is such a great essay, thank you. Although I am an elderly (77 and grateful I’m still here) straight white woman, I share your concerns regarding nonbinary, womanhood and the importance of connection and meaningful intimacy in loving relationships. I loathe being called cis and assigned female at birth. Observed and recorded female.
Thank you so much for reading, Betty! I'm grateful you're still here too! These conversations are certainly cross-generational as they affect all women.
Another great piece, thank you! You have well articulated my thoughts and misgivings on the nonbinary identity. I was steeped in the various "woke" ideologies for many years at my work and passively went along with the program for fear of confrontation and ostracization. After getting out, I have been able to better articulate my thoughts and find many other "herterodox" thinkers to aid me, like yourself.
You kept popping up in my notes the past year or so with interesting posts and I was hooked when you released the excellent Paulie Murray piece. I enjoyed listening to your Free Black Thought interview this summer. Really appreciate your voice and perspective; so many thanks to you for your ability and skill to write from your heart and push back on the prevailing orthodoxy on gender and race.
Thank you so much! I appreciate hearing from you and I'm glad you were able to find my work and add me to your rolodex of inspiring heterodox thinkers 🌺
What a gorgeous article. It is SO WELL articulated and echoes a lot of what I've also witnessed in QTBIPOC / poly circles, both as an observer and a (temporary) participant. Indeed, claiming nonbinary as an statement of self-love is a self-contradiction. It is wild to me that that so many QTBIPOC-identified people seem to have their heads on straight in other portions of their self-love journeys, yet miss this glaring inconsistency. And it is wild to me that it is taboo to even question the orthodoxy of nonbinary and trans ideology in those spaces, even from a shared intention of healing the wounds that come with being "nonconforming" in a society that rewards conformity. Sometimes, I think of the amazing conversations that I might have had with old QT identified female friends had we all cultivated the ability to "go there," and talk about what it *really means* to be self-loving in a culture that would much rather we dissociate and self-harm. Nevertheless, I wish them all health and wholeness. I'm also on my journey. Thank you for the clarity of this article.
Yassss thank you so much, Sia. I so feel you on this piece with the cognitive dissonance that so many QT-identified women have. So many amazing women have fallen for the wokie doke, and ultimately sacrifice their ability to fully and holistically love themselves as a result. There are definitely some major blockages there. I do have faith that there will be more space for conversation in the future, as the paradigm inevitably crumbles. I appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts. 💜
Let’s hope this is another one of those Extraordinary Delusions and the Madness of crowds! Let’s hope there will finally be a day of sanity!
I bet you don’t have any of this insanity in Gaza, Sudan, Ukraine, …people here have too much time thinking about just themselves! They don’t have any real problems, just self absorption!
White Heterosexuals started calling themselves "Queer" since 2015. It dovetailed with the "Trans Tipping Point " with Laverne Cox on the cover of Time magazine.
I would advise you to make a Medium account, if you don't already have one. They will have an archive of when articles first popped up "Am I Queer Enough" "What My Queerness Means for Me" etc.
I'm counting on you to one day write a book about the history of this Era. The actual beginnings which relies on French philosophers they are focused on theories of the individual. The Godfather of Queer Theory: Micheal Foucault. He was known to have sexcation in Algeria where he fucked 9 and 10 year old brown and black boys.
But I will tell you why the Trans Liberation Movement was so embraced by White Liberals. Since 1989 through the present, 2.5 generation of White students where exposed to Queer Theory and Gender Studies <--( now just transgender studies). They weren't able to participate in the other Civil Rights Movements, but they could be a part of this one from the beginning. Motivated by being " on the right side of history. "
This is another White Men's Rights Movement that only effects the Civil rights of women and girls.
It does not effect MEN, and therefore the White Supremacist Patriarchy or the internal Racial/Ethnic Patriarchies.
GURRLLL! You are on FIRE 🔥
Haha thanks, Sarah 🥰
Thanks for sharing this, I think I read it several months ago and just reread it after seeing it again. I think it's one of my favorite personal statements about the "QT" shift away from LGB, which is affecting the rest of the culture in the "woke wave" with drastic side-effects, for people personally but also politically.
People are complex, getting to know people is a time investment, so is getting to know oneself. Intimacy and connection are about learning, getting to know your body, not doling it out, renting it, contracting it to doctors or engineers or technologies. This, in fact, is empowering.
Maybe this is the value of the 4B movement today. "A practice, not a destination," as you say. Self-love and freedom: I'm all about them, too. Somewhere people get lost in knowing what's already there in their body, and in trying to embody what they want to believe.
I guess this is the "mind virus" or "drinking the kool-aid" problem.
Hi Anthony! Thank you for reading again and sharing--I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.
"Intimacy and connection are about learning, getting to know your body, not doling it out, renting it, contracting it to doctors or engineers or technologies. This, in fact, is empowering."
I love this. I was just having a discussion with a couple of readers about how so much of healing and recovering from the trans ideology, esp. for women, is about attunement with our bodies. An often overlooked element.
If people did yoga for a while and no longer wanted to harm themselves, would that be conversion therapy?
Powerfully expressed, ty. I watch the current mania spread like oil over a shoreline and am profoundly saddened when another one rises, the authentic self made unrecognizable. I don't follow Janelle Monae or any celebrity, really, but have enjoyed occasional exposure to a person who conveys intelligence among other traits. I have a lot of respect for intelligence, but not that it can also become a maelstrom of thought in which rationalizing from all angles can result in startling blindness. I have, on occasion, suffered in this way myself.
Your penultimate paragraph is gracious, a thought I share for her and many others.
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts! I completely understand where you’re coming from. 🌺
Ugh, thank you for saying what I’ve been thinking and keeping to myself.
It was this line for me in particular: “Whenever I see someone claim that they are Nonbinary, it’s a clear sign that there is a lot of work to do.”
Hit the nail 👏🏽 on 👏🏽 the 👏🏽 head!! One of my friends came out to me as nonbinary and when I asked what brought this on, they said “The NFT community I’m in has been sharing their stories and I resonated with their feelings.” 🙄
What I know and witness about my friend is she’s insecure, not properly parented, gullible, and naive. A few months after the announcement, she’s been getting reoccurring yeast infections. I think that’s her bodies way of trying to warn her of the dangers of rejecting her feminine identity. But every time I ask her challenging questions, she avoids me for a few weeks.
It feels great to know that I’m not the only one with thoughts like these. Thank you for writing this!
Hi Vashti, thank you for reading and sharing how my piece resonated with you. 💜 I definitely think getting recurring yeast infections is a psycho-somatic response to rejecting her womanhood, and you also never know what other behaviors might be coming along with her dissociation, which predispose her to reproductive health issues. Sounds like you are not compatible as friends. I distance myself from people who follow gender ideology, no matter how they identify.
Love this!
Thanks!
@Lotus La Loba
Thank you for using your voice to bring awareness to this issue. You may be interested in this movement stopfemaleerasure.com
Wow, N3VLYNNN, I’ve just read several of your articles and I am moved, and grateful. I have much to process, but parts of me feel sort of home and seen. You’ve put into words what I have been sensing, I am a white woman predominantly attracted to men, and in recovery. I left cult religion only to find myself surrounded by a new kind of cult and addicts. Not wanting to be labeled canceled or whatever I’ve kept quiet and played along. I couldn’t quite name it, but I knew something was deeply wrong.
I actually feel like I’m gonna break in a really good way.
Much gratitude, Sara
Hi Sara, I’m so glad you found my work and that it’s resonating with you, and making you feel seen and at home. That means SO much to me! I understand the stirrings happening as you recognize the truth of your surroundings. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and journey with me. Thank you. 🌺
I love this article’s deft combination of critique and kindness. True kindness can involve seeing someone else’s actions are not holistically good for them or others. Thank you for writing!
Thank you so much!
Just read a couple of your pieces and super appreciate your work! Than you for articulating this perspective.
Thank you!
I’ve been trying to read more information from all sides on all things gender,trans,etc, I guess because I want to understand where humanity is at and headed on a broader scale. No matter what aspect of CULTure (gender, religious, political) someone is identifying as/with you hit the nail on the head about “rebranding unresolved issues instead of actually healing them.” My God if people could just stop and take some time to sit with themselves we might actually heal…
This was a well composed article. Thank you for your objectivity and nuance.
"How many impressionable young girls and women will look at that video and say, “Hey…if I cut off my breasts, maybe I’ll be cool and beautiful and worthy enough, too!”"
Girl what 💀💀💀 feminism is not getting erased please sit down
Take a moment to do some research. Female erasure is an active agenda being pushed by the UN. Stopfemaleerasure.com
Baby you call this research? 🤣 Just because someone knows how to make a website and put bullshit on there doesn't make it true. Time to block all you terfs