I attended a gender woo workshop at the university in 2015. I was smelling the government intervention rat even then. The workshop was ordained by “Horace” about whom the department had received an email stating that “outward appearances are not determinant of gender.” I expected Horace to be Butch. Instead this “he” was a large voluptuous black woman dressed in raspberry frills and ballet flats. Pronoun buttons and other pronoun swag was handed out, increasing my suspicion of government payout to promote this dangerous ideology. They also had us fill out the privilege chart. Needless to say, when it was my turn to participate in the ritual, I declined saying, What you see is what you get. I was later accosted by a facilitator in a knit cap with elf ears. Why was I so uncomfortable, she wanted to know. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that,” I responded.
Yes! Laugh! It's absolutely absurd! Like something out of Saturday Night Live! During the 'harmful words' episode, Horace thundered out of the room with the vapors at the word 'queer.'
I was on a train a couple of years ago trying to tell this story to my sister, when some frothing moron turned to us and started calling me a 'transphobe" for just describing the situation. We got into a big fight and had to be separated! Then he thinks he's going to upset me by kissing his boyfriend, when I was the biggest f-hag ever in the 80s.
I’ve also noticed the aggression towards being a woman in all of this. You’re not alone and me finding your voice has helped me cope through the destruction this ideology has caused.
Oooof!!! My blood was singing with rage as I read this. I wish I was there to add Bombastic side-eye squared. I am getting tired of avoiding and retreating from places/events that stinks of bs a mile away.
Probably time to revert to my true naija self in these type of situations. Btw, beautiful pic!
This is brilliant. I had a very similar experience to you that I shared on other platforms but am inspired to import to here. Reading this felt so clean as if I received a breath of common sense that no one could ever shake from me.
I’m an older woman 77 yo and a serious visual artist. Last year I applied for a state arts grant, this is what the application asked:
What is your gender?
Select all that apply.
Non-binary / genderqueer / third gender
Woman
Man
None of the above, I self-identify as:
* Do you identify as LGBTQIA+ ?
LGBTQIA+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual, and other identities that may fall under the open ended + symbol.
I left them blank. I didn’t get the grant but a 25 yo drag queen did. He was subsequently used as the poster boy for the grants.
Thanks N3VLYNNN! Resist the nonsense. (And I was just thinking that what my substack is missing lately is a picture of you doing some gravity-defying moves so thanks for that too)
Aww thanks Cate! I don’t usually record when I’m practicing as much as I used to, but I’d like to more often-so hopefully there will be more of me flying through your timeline haha 😹🤸🏾♀️🌺
Thank you for so much for this. It drives me nuts and even more so that so many women participate, proudly showing how happy they are to be part of this bizarre cult. But I hadn't thought about what it would mean now to be going to classes or places with a group where you are put on the spot like this. Yes, you have to deal with enough already, so WTF is with any women harassing you over such a female-hating and stupid issue? And that this would make you and other women be more isolated and alone is infuriating and oppressive, adding to racism and classism and Lesbian-hating that so many women already are dealing with. How dare anyone do this to you? As you said: "I am deeply annoyed that this question about 'my pronouns; is always framed as something for my benefit, when it is a passive-aggressive way to rope me into a social ritual that I never asked to be part of."
I will be even more ready than I was to object and question whoever would put me on the spot like this, knowing I would be helping other Lesbians and women....
I feel you, Bev! It's rough out here. I believe the burden will lift for myself and those of us who feel it most as more of us begin to speak up. Thank you 🌺
Thank you too. Yes, we will help other women to say no, and then that's another way to make friends in these groups, hopefully, when they come and thank you for speaking out.
Every word of this !!’ YES. I refuse to participate in this ritual as well. And I think the tide is turning. more and more people are refusing to participate in this once seemingly benign, yet malignant first step down the rabbit hole of gender ideology.
Thank you Joanna! I'm glad to hear you also don't participate. Often I am the only one out of any pronoun circle who doesn't participate so it's always interesting and somewhat of a relief to login to my blog and find other women who are pushing back. 😭 I think there will definitely be more of us who are emboldened to set boundaries in the coming years, for sure.
If people ask me for my pronouns, I tell them they are fuck/off. Or, if vulgarity doesn't work for you, you could always try tweedly dee/tweedly dum (or some other nonsense word combo). Have fun. Go mad! 😊
My answer to the question, if pressed, is: I'm not comfortable declaring pronouns, but you can call me whatever you want. I waive the right to be offended.
I feel fortunate to work for a municipality that is not merely progressive but also genuinely sensitive. Their policy clearly states that while people should be addressed by their preferred pronouns, no one should feel pressured to state their pronouns if they feel uncomfortable doing so for any reason. When I was hired, I read that and said, well alright then! And immediately deleted the pronoun line from my email signature.
Wow this essay made my day!!! Touche! May I post a link to X? I love it, maybe I'll forward it to my daughter's high school guidance counselor! You are an amazing writer!!
I am about as trans friendly as it is possible to be. If someone wants me to call them he/she/they/it/ Barney the dinosaur, happy to do it. If I have a reason to think that they have other preferred pronouns, I will inquire out of politeness. But don’t fucking ask me my pronouns because it’s not your fucking business. I want you to know, I’ll tell you. I am not engaging in this bullshit performative nonsense to virtue signal my adherence to your secret club rules.
I attended a gender woo workshop at the university in 2015. I was smelling the government intervention rat even then. The workshop was ordained by “Horace” about whom the department had received an email stating that “outward appearances are not determinant of gender.” I expected Horace to be Butch. Instead this “he” was a large voluptuous black woman dressed in raspberry frills and ballet flats. Pronoun buttons and other pronoun swag was handed out, increasing my suspicion of government payout to promote this dangerous ideology. They also had us fill out the privilege chart. Needless to say, when it was my turn to participate in the ritual, I declined saying, What you see is what you get. I was later accosted by a facilitator in a knit cap with elf ears. Why was I so uncomfortable, she wanted to know. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that,” I responded.
lol I'm sorry but this made me laugh 😹
Yes! Laugh! It's absolutely absurd! Like something out of Saturday Night Live! During the 'harmful words' episode, Horace thundered out of the room with the vapors at the word 'queer.'
I was on a train a couple of years ago trying to tell this story to my sister, when some frothing moron turned to us and started calling me a 'transphobe" for just describing the situation. We got into a big fight and had to be separated! Then he thinks he's going to upset me by kissing his boyfriend, when I was the biggest f-hag ever in the 80s.
Thank you, N3VLYNNN. I refuse to participate in this, as well.
You captured the absurdity of it well.
Thanks so much for reading, Sarah. I always feel relieved when I'm not the only one.
I think SO many people feel similarly, but the social pressure to bow to these theatrics is huge.
Well to be clear, it's a relief to find people who also do not bow to it.
You are definitely not alone!
https://open.substack.com/pub/mrsmiller/p/blue-period?r=9q8wg&utm_medium=ios
It’s like asking an atheist what prayer they want to lead the class with - a classic complex question.
Yes, exactly!!!
I’ve also noticed the aggression towards being a woman in all of this. You’re not alone and me finding your voice has helped me cope through the destruction this ideology has caused.
I'm really happy to hear that my voice has helped you. Thank you 💜
Oooof!!! My blood was singing with rage as I read this. I wish I was there to add Bombastic side-eye squared. I am getting tired of avoiding and retreating from places/events that stinks of bs a mile away.
Probably time to revert to my true naija self in these type of situations. Btw, beautiful pic!
Thank you! Yes I'm also tired of retreating; that's why it's important to create our own 🌺
This is brilliant. I had a very similar experience to you that I shared on other platforms but am inspired to import to here. Reading this felt so clean as if I received a breath of common sense that no one could ever shake from me.
Mmm I appreciate that my words felt so clarifying for you. Thank you for sharing. 🌬 🌺
I’m an older woman 77 yo and a serious visual artist. Last year I applied for a state arts grant, this is what the application asked:
What is your gender?
Select all that apply.
Non-binary / genderqueer / third gender
Woman
Man
None of the above, I self-identify as:
* Do you identify as LGBTQIA+ ?
LGBTQIA+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual, and other identities that may fall under the open ended + symbol.
I left them blank. I didn’t get the grant but a 25 yo drag queen did. He was subsequently used as the poster boy for the grants.
Thanks N3VLYNNN! Resist the nonsense. (And I was just thinking that what my substack is missing lately is a picture of you doing some gravity-defying moves so thanks for that too)
Aww thanks Cate! I don’t usually record when I’m practicing as much as I used to, but I’d like to more often-so hopefully there will be more of me flying through your timeline haha 😹🤸🏾♀️🌺
Thank you for so much for this. It drives me nuts and even more so that so many women participate, proudly showing how happy they are to be part of this bizarre cult. But I hadn't thought about what it would mean now to be going to classes or places with a group where you are put on the spot like this. Yes, you have to deal with enough already, so WTF is with any women harassing you over such a female-hating and stupid issue? And that this would make you and other women be more isolated and alone is infuriating and oppressive, adding to racism and classism and Lesbian-hating that so many women already are dealing with. How dare anyone do this to you? As you said: "I am deeply annoyed that this question about 'my pronouns; is always framed as something for my benefit, when it is a passive-aggressive way to rope me into a social ritual that I never asked to be part of."
I will be even more ready than I was to object and question whoever would put me on the spot like this, knowing I would be helping other Lesbians and women....
I feel you, Bev! It's rough out here. I believe the burden will lift for myself and those of us who feel it most as more of us begin to speak up. Thank you 🌺
Thank you too. Yes, we will help other women to say no, and then that's another way to make friends in these groups, hopefully, when they come and thank you for speaking out.
Every word of this !!’ YES. I refuse to participate in this ritual as well. And I think the tide is turning. more and more people are refusing to participate in this once seemingly benign, yet malignant first step down the rabbit hole of gender ideology.
Thank you Joanna! I'm glad to hear you also don't participate. Often I am the only one out of any pronoun circle who doesn't participate so it's always interesting and somewhat of a relief to login to my blog and find other women who are pushing back. 😭 I think there will definitely be more of us who are emboldened to set boundaries in the coming years, for sure.
If people ask me for my pronouns, I tell them they are fuck/off. Or, if vulgarity doesn't work for you, you could always try tweedly dee/tweedly dum (or some other nonsense word combo). Have fun. Go mad! 😊
My answer to the question, if pressed, is: I'm not comfortable declaring pronouns, but you can call me whatever you want. I waive the right to be offended.
I feel fortunate to work for a municipality that is not merely progressive but also genuinely sensitive. Their policy clearly states that while people should be addressed by their preferred pronouns, no one should feel pressured to state their pronouns if they feel uncomfortable doing so for any reason. When I was hired, I read that and said, well alright then! And immediately deleted the pronoun line from my email signature.
Wow this essay made my day!!! Touche! May I post a link to X? I love it, maybe I'll forward it to my daughter's high school guidance counselor! You are an amazing writer!!
I'm so happy to hear that. Yes you're more than welcome to share it, and thank you 💜
I am about as trans friendly as it is possible to be. If someone wants me to call them he/she/they/it/ Barney the dinosaur, happy to do it. If I have a reason to think that they have other preferred pronouns, I will inquire out of politeness. But don’t fucking ask me my pronouns because it’s not your fucking business. I want you to know, I’ll tell you. I am not engaging in this bullshit performative nonsense to virtue signal my adherence to your secret club rules.
I’m reminded of the joke from my childhood.
Teacher: Bobby, can you name two pronouns?
Bobby: Who, me?
Teacher: Correct!
I am trans by most definitions and this ritual has hurt me more than helped. I wrote about this here: https://loveofallwisdom.substack.com/p/in-defence-of-the-eyeroll