Last week, I wrote about a series of disappointing realizations which led me to understand that a woman who had been calling herself my friend, was taking advantage of me in my time of need.
Not gonna lie, I definitely had a visceral reaction when you first wrote about this possible living situation with this predatory woman. I had to check myself, because I just thought I was projecting and I didn't want to send any negative energy your way because you were in such a tight spot. I am not surprised that she was literally hoping you would be her "house [girl]". She wanted to make money from your labor and board, expected a clean house, on top of sex. Just, wow. Your comparison is spot on because that was her plan. I am so sorry that you even saw her message. It is possible that she is deep in denial about her dehumanizing behavior and truly thinks that this was somehow going to be a mutually beneficial relationship (and I'm sure there some massa and missus that thought they were really doing black people a favor). But whatever she thought, it doesn't matter. The impact of her actions is what matters. Just plan wrong, ignorant, and narcissistic.
I am really sending positive energy and light your way.
*sigh* Your words bring up so many emotions. I understand why you would feel hesitant to share your concerns when I was clearly so happy and relieved in my first post, but it would have been welcomed.
I can clock when someone is being loving, vs. spreading negativity. Another woman commented on that 1st post and said, “I hope you get along with your friend” . Even the idea of us potentially not getting along inherent in the word “hope” was enough to trigger something deep inside me—something that needed to be explored.
I was also hesitant about living with her from the beginning, since I had quietly distanced myself from our budding friendship one year prior, due to feeling incompatible. I always thought of her as a nice person but I didn’t want to be close to her.
I was hoping that this arrangement could offer some relief—at least something better than what I have with my family. I see that I was partially clouded by my desperation and vulnerability, and she took advantage of that.
Part of me feels ashamed for falling for the bamboozlement, even just for a little while—and allowing her to get my hopes up.
And part of me is proud of myself for seeing it for what it was before too much damage could be done, taking precautionary steps (i.e. one-week trial) to see what was in store for me, and offering myself time to process.
The fact that I caught it this early, got clear, and stood up for myself, shows growth & self-love, even if it did not shield me from all of the pain.
I have been in similar situations with a few women over the years, who want sex underneath their offering of support—But I have never experienced anything quite as disgustingly exploitative as this, esp. with the labor…and I do believe it is so harshly layered precisely because of race.
Yeah, some of the missus’ did believe they were doing something good for the Negroes! Wow.
The uncanniness to slavery times stir up ancestral qualms.
I am so tired of this nonsense, and I just want peace and sanctuary in my life. I am focusing on creating my own solutions and trying to be patient. Thank you for being present with my journey. 💜
If you see me drowing and you throw me a lifesaver (🛟 ) with conditions on it, that is not love.
Thats not even a rescue to keep it 💯 with you.
I am wildly independent because of traumatic situations.
People LOVE being around people who are NOT doing as well as they are.
I have seen this story play out 60 million times.
When I established myself into a career that I hated and still hate to this very day, I ONLY did so because I knew it was a profession that would always keep me fed.
I made sure I grounded myself in ONE skill that would make it impossible for me to starve.
You are very kind.
I would have blocked her ass as soon as her daddy made me sign some paper.
*sigh* I can relate to this so much-about being wildly independent due to traumatic situations. I have an independent spirit as well, but I am working on the economic piece. I completely understand why you've made the career decisions you've made.
As far as blocking her early-I think the quick perceptiveness comes with learning from similar experiences over time. It took me time to process the situation and see it for what it is.
Not gonna lie, I definitely had a visceral reaction when you first wrote about this possible living situation with this predatory woman. I had to check myself, because I just thought I was projecting and I didn't want to send any negative energy your way because you were in such a tight spot. I am not surprised that she was literally hoping you would be her "house [girl]". She wanted to make money from your labor and board, expected a clean house, on top of sex. Just, wow. Your comparison is spot on because that was her plan. I am so sorry that you even saw her message. It is possible that she is deep in denial about her dehumanizing behavior and truly thinks that this was somehow going to be a mutually beneficial relationship (and I'm sure there some massa and missus that thought they were really doing black people a favor). But whatever she thought, it doesn't matter. The impact of her actions is what matters. Just plan wrong, ignorant, and narcissistic.
I am really sending positive energy and light your way.
*sigh* Your words bring up so many emotions. I understand why you would feel hesitant to share your concerns when I was clearly so happy and relieved in my first post, but it would have been welcomed.
I can clock when someone is being loving, vs. spreading negativity. Another woman commented on that 1st post and said, “I hope you get along with your friend” . Even the idea of us potentially not getting along inherent in the word “hope” was enough to trigger something deep inside me—something that needed to be explored.
I was also hesitant about living with her from the beginning, since I had quietly distanced myself from our budding friendship one year prior, due to feeling incompatible. I always thought of her as a nice person but I didn’t want to be close to her.
I was hoping that this arrangement could offer some relief—at least something better than what I have with my family. I see that I was partially clouded by my desperation and vulnerability, and she took advantage of that.
Part of me feels ashamed for falling for the bamboozlement, even just for a little while—and allowing her to get my hopes up.
And part of me is proud of myself for seeing it for what it was before too much damage could be done, taking precautionary steps (i.e. one-week trial) to see what was in store for me, and offering myself time to process.
The fact that I caught it this early, got clear, and stood up for myself, shows growth & self-love, even if it did not shield me from all of the pain.
I have been in similar situations with a few women over the years, who want sex underneath their offering of support—But I have never experienced anything quite as disgustingly exploitative as this, esp. with the labor…and I do believe it is so harshly layered precisely because of race.
Yeah, some of the missus’ did believe they were doing something good for the Negroes! Wow.
The uncanniness to slavery times stir up ancestral qualms.
I am so tired of this nonsense, and I just want peace and sanctuary in my life. I am focusing on creating my own solutions and trying to be patient. Thank you for being present with my journey. 💜
If you see me drowing and you throw me a lifesaver (🛟 ) with conditions on it, that is not love.
Thats not even a rescue to keep it 💯 with you.
I am wildly independent because of traumatic situations.
People LOVE being around people who are NOT doing as well as they are.
I have seen this story play out 60 million times.
When I established myself into a career that I hated and still hate to this very day, I ONLY did so because I knew it was a profession that would always keep me fed.
I made sure I grounded myself in ONE skill that would make it impossible for me to starve.
You are very kind.
I would have blocked her ass as soon as her daddy made me sign some paper.
Please believe me.
*sigh* I can relate to this so much-about being wildly independent due to traumatic situations. I have an independent spirit as well, but I am working on the economic piece. I completely understand why you've made the career decisions you've made.
As far as blocking her early-I think the quick perceptiveness comes with learning from similar experiences over time. It took me time to process the situation and see it for what it is.