It's Impossible to Love Someone Who You Don't Fully Respect.

Last week, I wrote about a series of disappointing realizations which led me to understand that a woman who had been calling herself my friend, was taking advantage of me in my time of need.

At the time I published that article, I hadn’t yet spoken to her about it. I had called her that morning to discuss what I had been feeling, but she didn’t call me back until 3 days later. By that time, I had already checked out of our relationship. 

However, I still needed to tell her that I am no longer moving forward with our planned living arrangement, and I felt called to tell her why—but I didn’t want to have a conversation with her about it, because there was nothing left to discuss.

In a normal relationship, you talk things out. But this was not that. I simply didn’t feel that she deserved anymore of my emotional energy.

So I did something that I don’t usually do: I sent her a long text, explaining—rather precisely—why her proposed living arrangement was not equitable, how her request for physical labor on top of split-rent is absurd, and how uncomfortable I felt with her sexual advances. 

I told her that a real friend who loves me, with her amount of resource, would’ve taken me in for free—or at least created an equitable arrangement that is designed to burden me the least. 

“It’s crazy that you pay so much lip service to ending white supremacy when your actions are so deeply rooted in reinforcing that legacy,” I said. 

Then, I blocked her. 

I didn’t need a response from her to gain closure. I didn’t want to hear her disagreeing, or struggling to understand. I didn’t even want an apology. I just wanted her to leave me alone, forever. 

What I should have done, is block her from all of my devices, but I only blocked her from that one phone line. That is because I thought she would respect my wish to not have any further communication, but I was wrong. 

What she proceeded to do instead, was text my other phone—where she dumped a very short, weak response that absolutely infuriated me: