I really sympathize since this time of year is maddening with the forced jocularity and cheerful greetings that are glaring if we don't respond in kind. I too had a wonderful Xmess (as I call it now) growing up, with just my parents and me, on their best behavior, with my father not out of town for once and my mother not getting drunk in a bar and brawling and wrecking the car or getting thrown in jail. But when I got into the Lesbian community, my father married the woman he'd had on the side all those years and she convinced him her son was his (we later found out that was a lie), and I wasn't relating to males any more anyway. I still saw my mother, but I was not going to celebrate any of those holidays. I keep telling friends too that we need to have our own celebrations to make up for these times, like really make birthdays important.
What we need and what you should have is a community that is always there, and even more present and loving during these times. For me, that's mostly Lesbians who I do nature walks with (and a couple of dances are coming up, though they are in het bars since we don't have our own spaces any more.) Some friends celebrate this time, but most don't for various reasons. Some leave their lovers to celebrate with family far away, but I'm here for all the friends who might feel lonely and want company. I try to have something planned almost everyday (tomorrow a friend and I are going to see the Sandhill Cranes and other migratory birds), since it's so important to not feel sad or lonely or depressed. If we lived closer, I'd invite you to do something. (I'm so chemically injured that I do most visits outside. But it's not too cold here and there is amazing wildlife nearby. One animal we always hope to see are Bobcats, but I keep saying it's time to see another Mountain Lion, plus there is so much more, but I know you like cats.
Anyway, I wish I could help in person, but know you are not alone and are loved and valued.
Some of my dearest friends now who I see every week at least, I met by just going up to them because they looked possibly like Lesbians, introducing myself, and asking if they would want to exchange emails and get together some time, like to take nature walks, look for birds, etc. (One turned out to be walking distance from where I live and I've learned so much from her about birds, photography, etc.)
Oh and don't criticize yourself for not liking this time of year. If there were Lesbian email lists or groups on FB, etc. near you, you could organize a potluck with other Lesbians specifically to complain about Xmess....
Aww this was such a wholesome comment, Bev. Thank you for sharing your story. I too, crave meaningful and sustained connections with other women like me, and I wish I could have more of that in my life. Sometimes I feel nostalgic for the 80s and 90s lesbian culture, even though it happened at a time when I was either unborn or still a child. It's wonderful that you have such a rich outdoor life with your friends.
I do love cats, and my heart warmed when you mentioned Bobcats. We have them around where I live too, but I've never been blessed with their live presence. You are so lucky to have mountain lions. One day, I hope to see a wild cat in my neck of the woods. Thanks for your understanding and support 🌺
Well, I know you also need African-descent Lesbians in particular, which makes it harder. There are so many here in Oakland and this area, and for years they had their own community, but I'm guessing that is continuing in some ways. Every once in a while there is an event about/for African-descent Lesbians and it's packed. By the way, there is also the "Queer Women of Color Film Festival" each year in San Francisco that is free and open to everyone and has had some wonderful films (I think any "queer Woman of Color" can send in films, even short ones), but it sadly seems to be very trans focused now.
It's funny in a way... The Seventies are when it was so wonderful for me, while things started getting bad in the Eighties. And the Nineties.... worse. But then I forget we did have the Wisconsin Lesbian Separatist Gatherings and the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival was still continuing.
I can't really have friends over where I live, so I make do. (And my family is long dead, except for two cousins I haven't seen since I was a teenager though we are friends on fb.) FB is actually a good way to make some connection too.
Last week I was in a place where there were SO many Bobcat footprints, but I rarely see the cats. I love to know they are here though, and I've seen probably 12 so far. But the Mountain Lion was a rare thrill and I also saw where another had gutted two deer, very fresh, and I even brought home what had to be her poo (in a bag), which was one piece, over a foot long, wide and all fur and no smell, so she had absorbed every part of the meat. (Bobcat and Coyote poo don't smell either, unlike domesticated animals.) That was actually in Oakland in a popular park with houses nearby! I always love the animals people are scared of or hate. (I love Rattlesnakes and Tarantulas and Scorpions too.) Sorry to go on! I really think you could build your own community of friends, enough so that if someone wasn't nice, you had choices.
I can definitely relate to staying away from people to be safe. Many people in my life have always somehow or another tried to destabilize me by making me emotionally unsafe and it has been utterly exhausting. I feel if I were physically less powerful, I would probably be subjected to physical attacks as well. Like you I am ever optimistic for better connections and relationships, but in the mean time I relish spending the holidays in peace.
Wow, I feel every word of this. Interesting that you mention physical power being a deterrent. I'm also very strong and tall, and I wonder how that has benefitted me without my knowledge. Glad you were able to have a peaceful holiday. Thank you for sharing 🌺
You deserve peace and comfort. My father is an alcoholic and one Christmas I skipped my parents house and stayed with my aunt. It was a step forward in recognizing the dysfunction that was passed to me. We can always heal.
Sending hugs to you, Nevlynn. This time of year can suck. I know those Jamaican men were sweet talking you bad down there, lawd a mercy 😂
If it helps, its a perfect time to visualize and set intentions for your life. If its Istanbul you wanna be, see yourself there and make it happen! Rooting for you. Winter always turns into spring. 🌸
LOL this made me laugh. Yes, they were. Jesus Christ! I never got any rest 😭
Yes, I have been doing a lot of intention-setting here, and activation. I am excited for all that is stirring within me, and very much looking forward to birthing my gifts. ✨
I still have my hard moments. I didn't expect the Grinch to come out but she did and she deserves a seat at the table too. 😊
Sending lots of love to you. Rooting for you too! Hope we can connect sometime 🌺
I really sympathize since this time of year is maddening with the forced jocularity and cheerful greetings that are glaring if we don't respond in kind. I too had a wonderful Xmess (as I call it now) growing up, with just my parents and me, on their best behavior, with my father not out of town for once and my mother not getting drunk in a bar and brawling and wrecking the car or getting thrown in jail. But when I got into the Lesbian community, my father married the woman he'd had on the side all those years and she convinced him her son was his (we later found out that was a lie), and I wasn't relating to males any more anyway. I still saw my mother, but I was not going to celebrate any of those holidays. I keep telling friends too that we need to have our own celebrations to make up for these times, like really make birthdays important.
What we need and what you should have is a community that is always there, and even more present and loving during these times. For me, that's mostly Lesbians who I do nature walks with (and a couple of dances are coming up, though they are in het bars since we don't have our own spaces any more.) Some friends celebrate this time, but most don't for various reasons. Some leave their lovers to celebrate with family far away, but I'm here for all the friends who might feel lonely and want company. I try to have something planned almost everyday (tomorrow a friend and I are going to see the Sandhill Cranes and other migratory birds), since it's so important to not feel sad or lonely or depressed. If we lived closer, I'd invite you to do something. (I'm so chemically injured that I do most visits outside. But it's not too cold here and there is amazing wildlife nearby. One animal we always hope to see are Bobcats, but I keep saying it's time to see another Mountain Lion, plus there is so much more, but I know you like cats.
Anyway, I wish I could help in person, but know you are not alone and are loved and valued.
Some of my dearest friends now who I see every week at least, I met by just going up to them because they looked possibly like Lesbians, introducing myself, and asking if they would want to exchange emails and get together some time, like to take nature walks, look for birds, etc. (One turned out to be walking distance from where I live and I've learned so much from her about birds, photography, etc.)
Oh and don't criticize yourself for not liking this time of year. If there were Lesbian email lists or groups on FB, etc. near you, you could organize a potluck with other Lesbians specifically to complain about Xmess....
Aww this was such a wholesome comment, Bev. Thank you for sharing your story. I too, crave meaningful and sustained connections with other women like me, and I wish I could have more of that in my life. Sometimes I feel nostalgic for the 80s and 90s lesbian culture, even though it happened at a time when I was either unborn or still a child. It's wonderful that you have such a rich outdoor life with your friends.
I do love cats, and my heart warmed when you mentioned Bobcats. We have them around where I live too, but I've never been blessed with their live presence. You are so lucky to have mountain lions. One day, I hope to see a wild cat in my neck of the woods. Thanks for your understanding and support 🌺
Well, I know you also need African-descent Lesbians in particular, which makes it harder. There are so many here in Oakland and this area, and for years they had their own community, but I'm guessing that is continuing in some ways. Every once in a while there is an event about/for African-descent Lesbians and it's packed. By the way, there is also the "Queer Women of Color Film Festival" each year in San Francisco that is free and open to everyone and has had some wonderful films (I think any "queer Woman of Color" can send in films, even short ones), but it sadly seems to be very trans focused now.
It's funny in a way... The Seventies are when it was so wonderful for me, while things started getting bad in the Eighties. And the Nineties.... worse. But then I forget we did have the Wisconsin Lesbian Separatist Gatherings and the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival was still continuing.
I can't really have friends over where I live, so I make do. (And my family is long dead, except for two cousins I haven't seen since I was a teenager though we are friends on fb.) FB is actually a good way to make some connection too.
Last week I was in a place where there were SO many Bobcat footprints, but I rarely see the cats. I love to know they are here though, and I've seen probably 12 so far. But the Mountain Lion was a rare thrill and I also saw where another had gutted two deer, very fresh, and I even brought home what had to be her poo (in a bag), which was one piece, over a foot long, wide and all fur and no smell, so she had absorbed every part of the meat. (Bobcat and Coyote poo don't smell either, unlike domesticated animals.) That was actually in Oakland in a popular park with houses nearby! I always love the animals people are scared of or hate. (I love Rattlesnakes and Tarantulas and Scorpions too.) Sorry to go on! I really think you could build your own community of friends, enough so that if someone wasn't nice, you had choices.
I can definitely relate to staying away from people to be safe. Many people in my life have always somehow or another tried to destabilize me by making me emotionally unsafe and it has been utterly exhausting. I feel if I were physically less powerful, I would probably be subjected to physical attacks as well. Like you I am ever optimistic for better connections and relationships, but in the mean time I relish spending the holidays in peace.
Wow, I feel every word of this. Interesting that you mention physical power being a deterrent. I'm also very strong and tall, and I wonder how that has benefitted me without my knowledge. Glad you were able to have a peaceful holiday. Thank you for sharing 🌺
You deserve peace and comfort. My father is an alcoholic and one Christmas I skipped my parents house and stayed with my aunt. It was a step forward in recognizing the dysfunction that was passed to me. We can always heal.
Thank you, Mixelle. It's wonderful that you offered yourself a bit of sanctuary away from toxic family. I appreciate your understanding and empathy 🌺
Sending hugs to you, Nevlynn. This time of year can suck. I know those Jamaican men were sweet talking you bad down there, lawd a mercy 😂
If it helps, its a perfect time to visualize and set intentions for your life. If its Istanbul you wanna be, see yourself there and make it happen! Rooting for you. Winter always turns into spring. 🌸
LOL this made me laugh. Yes, they were. Jesus Christ! I never got any rest 😭
Yes, I have been doing a lot of intention-setting here, and activation. I am excited for all that is stirring within me, and very much looking forward to birthing my gifts. ✨
I still have my hard moments. I didn't expect the Grinch to come out but she did and she deserves a seat at the table too. 😊
Sending lots of love to you. Rooting for you too! Hope we can connect sometime 🌺
Audio quality is a little off because I recorded on my iphone (forgot my mic at home) but I wanted to share my voice, anyway. Hope you enjoy 🌺