Why Women Should Speak Truth To Power, Even Though It's Scary

The case for sharing controversial opinions in a climate of fear

This week, I wrote an essay about how I see myself in Charlie Kirk, as someone who could equally be targeted for my “controversial” opinions on gender identity.

Then I thought to myself, “Damn. Is this a good look for encouraging black women to share their honest stories for my book? And identifying themselves, no less?”

I was afraid that in admitting the risk I take in sharing my views, and sharing receipts of death threats other black women have received for sharing theirs, I would scare women away from speaking up.

But later on, I came across a panel discussion of black people talking about the impact of trans ideology on Black America. This panel included Shawn Thierry, one of the women I mentioned in my last post.

One panelist actually spoke on the topic of being threatened by trans rights activists, naming how death threats are used as a scare tactic to control people into silence.

He said something that I particularly resonated with: The stronger he has become in his stance on this issue, the less harassment he receives, because his “enemies” know that they can’t control him through fear.

People are more likely to harass an infidel than an honorable opponent.

Meaning: Cowards are more likely to police someone who already exists inside of their own circle over a small misstep, than to go up against someone who stands firmly in their convictions, within their own lane.

There’s a lot of truth to that.

For myself, I know that when I first started to question gender ideology on social media, I walked through some fire.

A lot of people in my social circles had labelled me as a “Queer Black Woman”. Along with that, they projected certain rules and expectations onto me which infiltrated every aspect of my life.

Those rules came when I would be coerced into pronoun rituals in casual social settings.

They came when my ex-lover texted me a long list of “transwomen” who had been murdered on Trans Day of remembrance, so that I could grieve them instead of my brother who had recently suffered a violent death….an experience that infuriated me so much, I wrote about it in my memoir.

I could not even make the Art I wanted to make without being harassed.

When I finally opened my women-only sensual dance workshop, a “transman” (who was not attending the workshop) sent me an angry DM just because I used the word “woman” without explaining my inclusion* for “transfemmes”.

Another woman (who was not attending) policed my workshop for not being “fat inclusive” because the flyer featured a photo of my slender body.

So when I finally posted proof that men were invading women’s prisons through trans legislation—it was like World War 3.

I lost a lot of followers, a lot of people said nasty and hurtful things to me, and eventually, my entire platform got shut down.

But also, other things happened.

My need to start over led me to open this blog, which has opened up a more expansive space for me to write what I want, without fear of censorship.

I have attracted a diverse, supportive group of readers. The combination of my gifts and unique perspective has opened up a new income stream.

Freeing myself of the chains of other people’s oppressive expectations has made me a more confident person.

So, yes—now that I am no longer beholden to the mob, now that I no longer work to appease them…I am no longer easy bait. And I do feel that people from that group think twice about how they might attack me or my viewpoints.

It’s not that some people don’t try…

But I’m not an easy nut to crack, and neither are my essays on this subject.

And I have fire too.

That has only come with time and experience sharing my voice.

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Some people might look at me and think that my choice to speak up about these issues is brave, but reckless.

I think that when people see someone like me taking risks, they only see the element of danger. They only see what you stand to lose.

The way I see it, I have peeled back all the layers to see the dangers I was already exposing myself to…things that were already tearing me apart and isolating me. I was in a losing battle, bound to be crushed into submission, or left to die in the cold.

But now that everything is out in the open, it puts me in a better position to create the security that I’ve always deserved.

Owning who I am increases my capacity to set boundaries with people and spaces which do not align with me.

So, people who would hurt or cancel me have less access to me than before—emotionally, physically, and economically.

That’s because, in consideration and care for my whole being, I also cultivate my life in such a way that protects my spirit.

Yes, it’s true that I am not immune to violence or attack.

Yes it’s true, that there is an angry mob out there who feeds off of attacking women like me, who disagree with them.

On a certain level, I don’t have any easy answers for that.

But personally...

I’m a very spiritual person, and I believe that I have forces protecting me.

It’s not that nothing “bad” can happen to me, but moreso that I always come out clean.

Every time my truth leads me to move through pain and darkness, I always come out stronger, better resourced, and more empowered than before.

My light can never be extinguished. Particularly not while I am guided by it.

So, I am not saying that being authentic and sharing my voice is easy.

But I am saying that it’s worth it.

We all have to decide what path we take in life, and we can’t escape being met with challenges along the road.

I find it useful to look at where those challenges are leading us to.

For me, I don’t find it worthwhile to embrace the sorts of challenges which only lead me to dim my light and feel small within myself.

When making choices in life, I hold myself accountable to a greater vision for who I’d like to be, and the world I’d like to live in.

So with that said, it’s in my nature to encourage other people to do the same. Your path doesn’t have to look like mine. But it should be true to who you are.

The seedlings of truth and self awareness you plant from now, may not look like much of anything. A lot of people will probably judge you for it.

But it ages well.

Overtime, you’ll see how those seeds grow into a tree that you can use for shade, nourishment, and pleasure.

It all starts from that moment you choose to trust the process.