Why Policing Bi Women Out of Lesbian Spaces Never Works
The Circus of Lesbian Identity Politics
Now as some of you know, I love me some affinity spaces.
I have hosted meetups for my black women readers, virtual salons for Sapphic Women of Color, as well as female-only workshops and panel discussions.
Lesbian spaces are valuable, as are spaces that specifically cater to the needs of other marginalized groups.
But what I have noticed over the years is that some lesbian-feminists, have taken a rather militant approach to excluding bi women from their spaces.
This moves beyond clarifying that a space is created just for lesbians.
It often includes petty purity tests, as well as derisive disclaimers about bi women being male-centered colonizers of lesbian spaces, patriarchal bootlickers, and “fakers” of lesbian identity.
On the one hand, I get it.
A lot of women are male-centered, and bi women are no exception. As I’ve written before, I don’t think bi women are any more male-centered than lesbians. However, bisexual women are capable of harming women through lesbian relationships in unique ways that should be accounted for.
Gender ideology has compounded this issue by redefining the word “lesbian” to include men. Lesbians are often pressured to date men who identify as lesbians, under the guise of inclusivity. The trans movement has also made it illegal for any woman to host a female-only space in public, which of course impacts lesbians.
Queer Culture rewards women who keep one foot in a heterosexual relationship, whilst taking advantage of whatever they can harvest and appropriate from the lesbian community.
This sort of behavior should be named for what it is, and kept out of lesbian spaces.
But despite this, the solution is not to scapegoat bi women as the enemy or a potential colonizer of lesbian spaces.
Here, I will explain why it’s impractical and damn near impossible to try to cleanse lesbian spaces of bisexual women, and how trying to do so just turns into another toxic circus of identity politics where some lesbians end up getting excluded from spaces where they truly belong.
I’d like to share how the hyper-focus on lesbian identity rather than same-sex behavior, is a function of privilege that disproportionately belongs to Western white women.
Women who experience the most brutal forms of homophobia do not have the luxury to nitpick about feelings-based identities amongst their own kind.
Because let’s be clear: Sexual orientation is rooted in feelings, even if it’s innate…
But sexual feelings can be tricky for women to accurately interpret and name when they’re burdened with conditionings, traumas, and lack of self-awareness—all of which impact us to various degrees throughout the course of our lives.
More on that soon.
Finally, I’ll share some approaches I’ve taken to community building, how I have handled the contention between bi vs. lesbians in the past, and the elements that I feel are most important to consider when doing so.