Wealth is Also a Feeling.

On Feeling Rich Despite Being "Poor"

N3VLYNNN in Barcelona.

A few days ago, I had a brief exchange with a stranger that prompted me to reflect on wealth. 

I was riding my bike through my neighborhood when an old neighbor waved me down to chat. 

I didn’t quite recognize this man but I knew that he must have been living there since I was a child. I don’t recall us ever having spoken before. 

He suddenly seemed eager to speak to me, so I stopped to greet him. 

Within seconds, I could tell that he just wanted to get into my business and size me up. 

…

“How is Mom, and is your brother still around? He’s dead? *fake shock* Oh, what happened? I’m sorry…Mhm…so what are you doing these days? Are you working?”

“Yes, I work. I am an Artist,” I said. 

“Oh well that’s very nice, but…it’s so hard if you’re not rich.”

“I feel rich,” I said.

He seemed taken aback. 

I am very sure he was not expecting me, the young black woman who rides her bike through cold winters and who lives with family—to say that she feels rich. 

I smiled, gently tapped my temple, then repeated:

“I feel rich inside.”

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As I biked away, I wondered what made me so effortlessly proclaim that I feel rich. 

To be honest, I never really identified as poor. 

Granted, I did not grow up poor. Although I have lived across various class brackets throughout the course of my life, I have always managed to circumvent some of the harshest manifestations of poverty-at times just barely so. 

As an adult I am now categorized by the government as “low income”. Being on my own has made me see the realities of what that actually means in this country, and it’s not pretty. 

But even during times when I have had the least money, and struggled financially—I have not taken root in the “poor” identity. I also never liked to call myself “broke”. 

Why is that? 

I think poverty is also a mentality, and I don’t feel destitute on the inside. I have chosen to live in a way that is aligned with my spirit, and to prioritize my creativity, purpose, and holistic wellbeing, even if that means earning less money than what the status quo prescribes. 

So even if I am materially classified as “poor”, and I am not immune to its vulnerabilities…I am also tapped into an inner-resource that makes me feel abundant, and which generates external resource. 

Of course money is important, and I am mindful of its purpose in my life. But money is only one of many resources that contributes to our ability to thrive in this world. 

I am internally solid, walking in lock-step with my heart. 

I treat myself with care. I invest in myself. I value my energy. Even the little ways in which I do these things, increase my sense of self-worth. 

Ultimately, I believe in my ability to cultivate money, by doing what feels right for me. 

So, my mentality does not align with poverty.

But there have been exceptions…

The only time I have truly felt poor is when I have experienced abuse. Particularly, when the only thing that has kept me under the thumb of abuse has been lack of funds to leave and better my situation. 

Abuse goes hand in hand with oppression. It is a question of who wields the power, and who is vulnerable to the abuse of that power. 

But even then, that impoverished feeling was not really about money. It’s about how human beings think, feel, and treat each other—at various levels.

I have questioned why:

 ~ we live in a world where so many people hurt those who they claim to love.

~ we must “earn” our way out of dehumanizing situations, 

~ It is so hard for people to obtain affordable housing and quality healthcare unless they are wealthy. 

~ and why those who are visibly cash-poor are treated with contempt. 

.

These are not matters of money—at the root, they are matters of humanity. 

Life doesn’t have to be this way.

Our emotional and spiritual maturity is collectively lagging.

What has been liberating for me is recognizing that true wealth is internal. 

Money is just paper to which we have assigned value.

There is no amount of money that can make you feel wealthy. 

How you feel also determines how you use and regenerate your material assets—no matter how much or how little you have. 

Is your money sustained in love or fear?

Like many people, sometimes I do wish I had more money. I crave financial security.

But I am not willing to wear chains to have it. 

When I remember the bounty that I have cultivated—including the depths of my inner voice, creativity, health, freedom, inner-peace, and authenticity—I am grateful for the abundance I have access to. 

I believe that what I have is what so many people subconsciously try to obtain through their narrow pursuit of money. 

Success is great, but I must bring my whole self along for the ride. No part of me shall be left behind.

I believe my inner resource has the capacity to see me out of material poverty and through the inevitable storms of life. 

Everyday, I try to remind myself that I am greater than my circumstance, and recommit to a vision beyond what my eyes can see.

…