On Being Pathologized for Speaking Up About Sexual Harassment

Yesterday, a reader of mine recently expressed “concern for my mental health” under a note where I shared my experience and assessment of sexual harassment.

She did not explain why. But, I had a strong sense that I was being pathologized for the way I perceive and articulate predatory male behavior.

I can discern between judgment and genuine care, and this was definitely the former.

Upon reviewing the story I wrote, I realize how easy it is for people to blow off my experience as paranoid delusion.

A man was staring at me from a distance, I got frustrated and traveled for 1 hour to visit to another part of town, and the moment I sat down—it happened again.

SO unbelievable!

Because what a coinki-dink that not one but two scary men are preying on me?

Sounds like the premise of a horror movie that only a psycho would conjure as reality.

I must have imagined the whole thing!

It must be a coincidence that so many horror games and entertainment are based on the simple reality of being a single woman going about her life, minding her business.

I just want to make myself abundantly clear:

Sexual harassment is an extremely pervasive aspect of my public life, particularly in major cities and urban centers, where I have lived for most of my life.

It is not only possible, but very common for me to be harassed by men multiple times throughout any given day.

Let me share this story with a little more detail:

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I sat down on a local park bench and noticed a man was standing and staring at me from a few yards away. His whole body was turned towards me, and his eyes were fixated only on me. I tried to ignore him. I gave him an uncomfortable look. He didn’t let up.

I got up and tried to to sit in a different spot in the park, but nowhere was as comfortable as that bench. I sacked the whole idea of visiting my favorite park to read a book, and left to visit another part of town, traveling for an hour via public transportation.

After visiting my favorite store, my feet were hurting so I sat down on the bench outside.

As soon as I sat down, I noticed a man staring at me from 2 benches over. He was positioned towards me in the way someone would if they were having a full blown conversation with me. He remained silent with a slight smirk on his face as his eyes remained fixated on me. I got angry, frustrated, and walked away.

This is not an outlandish story. It is a blow-by-blow record of a completely normal day (actually one of the better ones), and stuff like this happens ALL THE TIME.

Yes, I know I recently published a post about how I’ve been struggling with insomnia for a little while, feeling sad/like crap some days—and someone has weaponized that against me to conclude that I am now imagining men staring at me all over town.

NEWSFLASH: This has been happening on the regular since I was 13 years old.

If you don’t see that this is not isolated to my perceivably “broken” mind, you are living with your head in the sand.

Why should I even have to make my story digestible to people who would rather question my sanity than give me the benefit of the doubt?

What hurts so much is not being believed, having to have so much burden of proof to get any support—and now, having to prove that I am sane.

And I get it: not every woman shares the same experiences with male harassment. Some women experience much less of it due to their environment or their appearance.

Aside from that, many women also dissociate and numb themselves to the pain caused by men in their sphere. Culturally, we are taught to laugh it off and think it’s normal. Men are given grace, while the burden of proof and adjustment is on women.

I know a lot of women are desensitized to sexual harassment. I am not.

I know there are plenty of people who do not view intrusive staring as sexual harassment, who generally have an extremely narrow idea of what constitutes sexual abuse, and who only validate women who fit this exact model of a “perfect victim”.

I am not one of those people. I will never allow myself to normalize dysfunction, just because that is how other people choose to live.

And I am not going to internalize other people’s judgments that something is fundamentally wrong with me for noticing and speaking up.

It is hard to receive so much “energy”, fully understand what it is, and not be desensitized to it. But my internal world is more peaceful and aligned because of that same discernment and sensitivity,

Regardless if y’all think I’ve lost my mind!!!

The real insanity comes through gaslighting, and you’re not going to lead me down that road.

My mind is my best asset and you’re not going to convince me that it’s “unhealthy” or defective because I’m spitting truth.

I’d rather you think I’m crazy, than for me to think I’m crazy.

Given that my interactions with men greatly shape my quality of public life, I will continue to share my experiences as I see fit.

Especially with warmer weather coming—yes, you may see some notes of me venting about my public experiences with men from time to time—just like I did last summer.

If you don’t like it, or if it makes you doubt my sanity, “mental health” and credibility, then I suggest you unfollow me and subscribe to people who align with the worldview that matches the reality you wish to see. ✌🏾