Losing my Sister over Trans Ideology

What does true sisterhood look like for me?

I think for many of us, this element of our modern culture serves as a mask or mirror for lots of deeper issues that we have with ourselves and others.

A few weeks ago, I broke up with my little sister.

My sister and I have had several conversations about gender ideology, and I’ve always been open with her about my views. She’s an older teen, very intelligent, and has expressed a lot of different opinions on the matter-sometimes contradictory ones.

A few weeks ago, when I last visited her, we had a conversation where she shared her belief that transgenderism is real. She said that some people are truly born transgender, but non-binary is fake, and faddish, and nonsensical.

I tried to explain why that doesn’t make sense, and how both identities are-at their core-just identities that are often rooted in trauma and social contagion. She disagreed, taking transgender identity more seriously.

I brought up the cases of Dylan Mulvaney’s women’s brand sponsorships after identifying as a ‘girl’, and the women who are being raped by male inmates in prison—both of which shocked her. We agreed that women should have their own spaces, and that men shouldn’t be LARPing to gain access to opportunities that they have no place in. Whatever the case was, she mentioned that transwomen are different and we should validate who they are, without necessarily offering them our spaces.

I understood where she was coming from, but I also knew it didn’t work like that.

She said some other things, too. Like, she suggested that the reason why I feel so strongly about this issue is because it’s affecting my dating pool. Case in point, she brought up my most recent ex, a nonbinary-identified woman. This was someone who I was very much in love with, but who I chose to leave because I was being subjected to emotional abuse, and her mental illness was tearing our relationship to shreds.

Yes, it’s true that it has taken me a long time to heal from that relationship. After all, she was the first person I ever wanted to marry. We dreamily envisaged our wedding.

Yes, all of my masculine female exes (studs, androgynous, butches) have transitioned socially and/or medically since our breakup, or they are still identifying as something other than a woman, the way they did when we first met.

But I do hold all of them in a space of love, even though they’re no longer in my life. And although I do not believe the way they’ve chosen to live and identify themselves is healthy, I am not afraid of gender ideology stealing away my soul mate or any opportunity for me to have a loving relationship. I believe in my ability to attract healthy, compatible partnership when the time is right.

What I didn’t appreciate was my sister dredging up of my past trauma as the dictator of my entire worldview on women, when much of what I believe existed prior to that relationship. Creating and pushing out an entire belief system that is rooted in trauma, is not me. It’s not reflective of who or where I am in my healing journey, and all the work I’ve done on myself.

I have also been creating and speaking about women’s rights for years, in various formats. It’s like she was only seeing the surface of how I think and feel.

But at the time, I politely explained how she was incorrect, and I let it go.

My sister and I ‘officially’ met in 2018, at my brother’s funeral. We’re half sisters, and we bonded tightly through the initial tragedy which brought me closer to my father’s side of the family in Nigeria. She had grown into a hip, sassy teenager, and we could finally talk about life. We grew to love and confide in each other, despite some pretty significant hiccups in our relationship.

We hadn’t seen each other in 3 years, and that conversation happened during our first couple of hours together after so much time apart. We had a long, beautiful day ahead of us. Overall, we had a healthy, respectful discussion, and she seemed to appreciate where I was coming from. We agreed to disagree on certain things, and I accepted that she doesn’t know enough about the topic of transgenderism to holistically understand why I feel the way I do, much less fully agree with me. However, at that time, I still considered her to views to fall into the ‘gender critical’ camp.

After all, the Bible of Woke says that any mode of thought that doesn’t mercilessly and perfectly capitulate to every single aspect of gender ideology-is blasphemous.

Then, a week later, my sister sent me a text message, out of the blue: