It's Never "Just Hair" For Girls Like Us.
The Living Nightmare of Relaxers on a Black Woman
This is an excerpt from the 2nd chapter of my memoir, Loving Her Reflection. The name of this chapter is “Losing Ground”. You can read a full introduction to my book and find more excerpts here.
In the emotional desert of my family home, a lively conversation with my new friend was like a burst of color in a world of grey. So, I asked Latavia if she would like to speak over the phone, and we carved out space to chat later that night.
Our first conversation was chill and friendly. We talked about how we had spent the Christmas holiday, and what we had been up to that year.
I liked her voice. The effects of testosterone were very much apparent, bringing a deeper tone and gentle raspiness to her voice. But there was also a smoothness…a feminine quality that was expressed, partially through her diction, as well as her vocal undertones.
While I wondered what she used to sound like, I appreciated the androgyny of her voice, and it seemed like she had settled into it pretty well.
Between her voice and personality, she reminded me a lot of Stephan—the silky loverboy that Steve Urkel used to transform into through his Transformation Chamber.
Looking back, it’s ironic that she reminded me so much of a character that represented Steve’s desire to be someone that he’s not: a cooler, sleeker, more traditionally masculine archetype of himself. Based on what else I would learn about Latavia, I don’t think that was a coincidence.
One day, around the time we had started making plans to see each other, I saw that Latavia had posted a photo of herself with a brand new hairstyle: a blunt, chemically straightened, shoulder-length bob.
Whaaa….She got a relaxer?!?!
She had transformed her beautiful, healthy, afro-textured cornrows into a swishy-swish mop, which she smugly flipped around like Farrah Fawcett.
My heart sank. This was shocking and alarming, on various levels.