I Think It's Creepy When White Girls Like Me

Her desire for me had nothing to do with me. Who I am as a whole person, Who I am as a sexual being. 

Those things are deeply influenced by my blackness, which is foreign to her.

This weekend, I created a Reddit post about something I’ve been holding in for far too long.

Here’s what I said:

I Think It’s Creepy When White Girls Like Me

Most of them don’t express interest in me beyond basic compliments. But especially with white femmes, for some reason I find it creepy when I discover they’re attracted to me. 

I think it’s because in my mind, me being with a white woman doesn’t make any sense, and I feel like their attraction towards me is rooted in some sort of projection. 

I’m a black femme, and very much oriented towards black women. Maybe it is just weird to feel so undesired/unseen by these people, and wanting to connect with black women—and then out of the blue, some white woman is thirsting for me. 

Whether it's an actual fetish or not, it’s gross and feels very out of place, mostly because they are so unaware of the experience I’ve been having with their kind in a community where I am such a small minority.

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Let’s talk about it.

I originally posted this in a Reddit forum that is devoted to Sapphic Women of Color. 

Although I use the name N3VLYNNN across the internet, I actually published this under a different name because I wanted to go incognito. I didn’t want anyone in the group to know who I am, or be able to search me up.

This is because last Spring, I got cancelled from this forum for sharing flyers of my online space for gender-critical sapphic women of color. 

Within minutes of posting the flyer, I was met with senseless vitriol, told to get out with my “Terf Shit” and my flyer was removed from their message boards. I never posted in there again. And for a long time—I stopped reading the message boards, too. 

However, in recent months, I’ve returned as a quiet lurker. Although I don’t agree with the gender identity politics that float around in that group, it actually is populated by actual bi and lesbian women of color—not just men posing as us, as is the case in most (white) lesbian groups. 

There are also a lot of black women in that group, and I can relate to a great deal of what these women experience and talk about. In fact, it’s one of the few public communities on the internet that is designed for us. 

It’s very difficult being in my position, where I often have to piece together different forms of support from different communities—none of whom completely embrace me for who I am. It can feel isolating at times, to choose between being unwelcome or marginalized.  

This is why it has been so important for me to be myself, and to use my platform as a tool to connect with other women who exist on the same margins I do—where we can be seen and received as our whole selves, including our politics—without a need to hide or mute anything. 

I’m not attracted to whiteness. 

Not just whiteness as a skin color, but whiteness as a state of mind.

I am racially isolated in my environment, and I have been needing a safe community space to share experiences that only women in my position can understand. So I went ahead and posted there, and I’m really glad I did. Actually, a lot of women found it funny and relatable. 

The understanding I received in that group encouraged me to share it here. 

I know I’m already offending plenty of folks with my title, but What’s New? 

I am committed to ensuring that my blog is a space where I’m free to be authentic, and attract a readership who can grow with me. 

Low-key, some of y’all might need to be scared away.

Now, I’d like to unpack what I shared in my Reddit post. 

Although some people apparently found my post hilarious, I was really in an eye-roll mood when I wrote it. I was Deadass.

But now that I’ve had time to think about it, I’d like to go into some more detail and nuance about what I wrote, share some thoughts on a couple of comments I received, and further musings on interracial lesbian relationships.

I’d also like to share the recent experience that prompted me to write that post in the first place.