I like "I hope it goes out of style one day." Often anyone saying anything negative about plastic surgery gets stampeded by a herd announcing how hard they would never dare impinge upon the freedoms of consenting adults to do what they want with their bodies blah blah blah ...
But where is there within the space of consenting adult freedoms blah blah blah ... where you still wish more could simply choose to NOT?
And not JUST for yourself (in my case, sounds like you too) but because the more you see folks getting "procedures" you imagine their salesmen are the ones getting the most out of them.
Telling anyone she should save her money and avoid risking her health might be considered "hateful" as well because you're not "affirming" her self-concept as actually needing all that. Or something?
Exactly! The reason why I recognize the pattern of not stepping on toes via conversations around cosmetic surgery…is because I first witnessed it amongst black women who speak against hair relaxers and weaves regarding the damage it does to our health and self-esteem. It was always an uproar about how “natural hair” women are judgy and hair is just hair, etc. Meanwhile it’s not the case at all. We routinely and collectively straighten our hair ONLY because of a legacy of slavery and colonialism and nothing else.
Straight hair is not just a style for most of us, and it's so far from our hair texture that we damage ourselves in the dogged pursuit of what we do not naturally have. Black women who speak against relaxers & weaves are brave because we always take heat. There definitely are some women who are just looking to get on a high horse pick on other women for their poor choices, but if you’ve got your head on straight you can see who is genuine and who is not. But many people don’t care if you’re genuine, they are triggered because the truth makes them feel vulnerable and insecure, so they lash out.
Once that clicked for me, I saw through every other “non-judgmental” conversation around beauty, including that of cosmetic surgery. We need to have the maturity to see what we’re doing and know that it’s harmful, and be OK with saying so.
People will continue to do what they want, but let’s not lie and make it seem like it doesn’t matter either way. Many people smoke cigarettes and know it’s bad for their health but they do it anyway. We should get to that level as a culture.
Many years ago, I thought about pursuing an acting career. I did musical theatre in high school and while I didn’t study drama in college, I took various acting classes while in school in NYC. I got head shots done at that time as a result. The make up artist who did my make up for the shoot casually said the following to me: “You’re a pretty girl and you have a good look, you can probably get a lot of work. But you might want to rethink the nose. Your nose is quite “ethnic”. I remembered it verbatim to this day because I was so shocked by her directness. I was young at the time and it was the ‘80’s so people didn’t think twice about saying something like this to someone, particularly women and girls. I am of mixed ethnicity but I am very proud of my Italian heritage (which is where I got the nose). I said to her: “Sophia Loren has a big nose and she is beautiful and she works.” Not sure where I got the courage to say that at the time but she looked at me like I had three heads.
I am proud to say I never changed my nose or any other body part. Wound up never pursuing a career in the “business”. Given how it chewed up and spit out girls/women on a regular basis, can’t say I regret my decision.
Times have changed since then. Unfortunately the mindset for an organized crowd to judge what the standard of beauty should be hasn’t unfortunately.
Wow! I love that you had the confidence and courage to say that off the bat. Comments like that can really stay with you for a long time and eat away at you. And it could just be from one person. I hate when people have the audacity to pick apart your body and tell you what to change. It's so patronizing and invasive.
I also used to want to pursue a modeling career, from the time I was a teenager. Since my long, slim, lanky body did not fit the "video vixen" standard of beauty in the black community...someone told me I could be a model, and I ran with it, pursuing modeling throughout my teens and early 20s. I am so glad it never worked out for me because I too, saw the industry chew models up and spit them out. Even the ones who are successful.
I do have a modeling portfolio that I'm proud of but it is all independent art projects, so I got to live out my dream in my own way. 💜
Thanks. Not sure it was confidence or bravado, but I was a movie nerd and Sophia Loren popped into my head so I said the first thing that came to mind. I suppose, in many ways we’re both lucky that our “dreams” when we were young didn’t come true. The saying “be careful what you wish for…” comes to mind. Whether it’s acting or modeling, I think women are always held to a standard that men would never tolerate. But that’s because they are still in charge. We have come far, but not far enough in my opinion. And social media exacerbates the judgement unfortunately. Anyway, great piece. 💜
I like "I hope it goes out of style one day." Often anyone saying anything negative about plastic surgery gets stampeded by a herd announcing how hard they would never dare impinge upon the freedoms of consenting adults to do what they want with their bodies blah blah blah ...
But where is there within the space of consenting adult freedoms blah blah blah ... where you still wish more could simply choose to NOT?
And not JUST for yourself (in my case, sounds like you too) but because the more you see folks getting "procedures" you imagine their salesmen are the ones getting the most out of them.
Telling anyone she should save her money and avoid risking her health might be considered "hateful" as well because you're not "affirming" her self-concept as actually needing all that. Or something?
Exactly! The reason why I recognize the pattern of not stepping on toes via conversations around cosmetic surgery…is because I first witnessed it amongst black women who speak against hair relaxers and weaves regarding the damage it does to our health and self-esteem. It was always an uproar about how “natural hair” women are judgy and hair is just hair, etc. Meanwhile it’s not the case at all. We routinely and collectively straighten our hair ONLY because of a legacy of slavery and colonialism and nothing else.
Straight hair is not just a style for most of us, and it's so far from our hair texture that we damage ourselves in the dogged pursuit of what we do not naturally have. Black women who speak against relaxers & weaves are brave because we always take heat. There definitely are some women who are just looking to get on a high horse pick on other women for their poor choices, but if you’ve got your head on straight you can see who is genuine and who is not. But many people don’t care if you’re genuine, they are triggered because the truth makes them feel vulnerable and insecure, so they lash out.
Once that clicked for me, I saw through every other “non-judgmental” conversation around beauty, including that of cosmetic surgery. We need to have the maturity to see what we’re doing and know that it’s harmful, and be OK with saying so.
People will continue to do what they want, but let’s not lie and make it seem like it doesn’t matter either way. Many people smoke cigarettes and know it’s bad for their health but they do it anyway. We should get to that level as a culture.
Many years ago, I thought about pursuing an acting career. I did musical theatre in high school and while I didn’t study drama in college, I took various acting classes while in school in NYC. I got head shots done at that time as a result. The make up artist who did my make up for the shoot casually said the following to me: “You’re a pretty girl and you have a good look, you can probably get a lot of work. But you might want to rethink the nose. Your nose is quite “ethnic”. I remembered it verbatim to this day because I was so shocked by her directness. I was young at the time and it was the ‘80’s so people didn’t think twice about saying something like this to someone, particularly women and girls. I am of mixed ethnicity but I am very proud of my Italian heritage (which is where I got the nose). I said to her: “Sophia Loren has a big nose and she is beautiful and she works.” Not sure where I got the courage to say that at the time but she looked at me like I had three heads.
I am proud to say I never changed my nose or any other body part. Wound up never pursuing a career in the “business”. Given how it chewed up and spit out girls/women on a regular basis, can’t say I regret my decision.
Times have changed since then. Unfortunately the mindset for an organized crowd to judge what the standard of beauty should be hasn’t unfortunately.
Wow! I love that you had the confidence and courage to say that off the bat. Comments like that can really stay with you for a long time and eat away at you. And it could just be from one person. I hate when people have the audacity to pick apart your body and tell you what to change. It's so patronizing and invasive.
I also used to want to pursue a modeling career, from the time I was a teenager. Since my long, slim, lanky body did not fit the "video vixen" standard of beauty in the black community...someone told me I could be a model, and I ran with it, pursuing modeling throughout my teens and early 20s. I am so glad it never worked out for me because I too, saw the industry chew models up and spit them out. Even the ones who are successful.
I do have a modeling portfolio that I'm proud of but it is all independent art projects, so I got to live out my dream in my own way. 💜
Thanks. Not sure it was confidence or bravado, but I was a movie nerd and Sophia Loren popped into my head so I said the first thing that came to mind. I suppose, in many ways we’re both lucky that our “dreams” when we were young didn’t come true. The saying “be careful what you wish for…” comes to mind. Whether it’s acting or modeling, I think women are always held to a standard that men would never tolerate. But that’s because they are still in charge. We have come far, but not far enough in my opinion. And social media exacerbates the judgement unfortunately. Anyway, great piece. 💜