I've Hit a Glass Ceiling on Substack, and I Am Discouraged.

The Math Ain't Mathin'

Let me be completely transparent with y’all…

I’ve been on Substack for a little over two years now. Within the past year, I’ve grown my audience exponentially.

However, my number of paid subscribers has not matched my growth.

I wrote about this last summer, but things have not gotten improved since then. In fact, it’s gotten worse.

Let’s take a little journey, shall we?

Within my first 9 months of blogging Spring 2023-2024, a very high proportion of my readers were of paid subscribers. I’m talking 10-18%, which is outstanding in this industry.

My tiny little audience was eager to support me. Without any paywalls, I received my first paid subscriber within weeks of opening this blog.

For most of that time, I had less than 100 subscribers. I felt completely lost as to how I would ever grow my platform amidst censorship and without traditional social media and I almost quit because of that—but I felt very supported by my small readership.

Then, in Spring of 2024, I published my essay on Pauli Murray. This is when I began to heavily promote my work. I collaborated with various platforms, spoke on podcasts, and a lot of new people were drawn to my writing. Between my activity on notes and the new posts I was publishing, I grew quite organically throughout the year.

More people signed up as paid subscribers. Some people remained subscribed, and some dropped off…

But around this time last year, I noticed that the % of people who were financially supporting my work was steadily dropping. Because for a whole year, my paid subscriptions have fluctuated a bit, but it has never broken past a certain number.

And I’ve remained stagnant in this area, even as hundreds more people subscribed to me, even as my total subscribers doubled, even as I continued to work my ass off, even as I continued to pour my heart out, even as I charged for my work, and even as I kept the same authentic energy that has always fueled my presence here.

And now, one year later, my paid subscriptions have slowly have started to decline.

My haters are just sitting in their dark little corner, foaming at the mouth over this one!

Now, I have my theories about why this may be happening.

I suspect that a large portion of the demographic who found my work last year, simply do not value me as an Artist.

They do not value the person behind the articles that they just so happen to enjoy consuming. I feel that my labor, my immense courage, and my craft is taken for granted.

And to be honest, I do feel that part of it is due to me being a black woman. We all know that society exploits, and takes for granted—the labor of black people, women, and artists. I happen to be all three.

This is especially true, knowing that most of the spaces that have been “safe” for me to share any of my work without being violently cancelled, have been predominantly white.

The people who have had the most access to my gender-critical opinions, are people outside of my community, many of whom consider black lesbian perspectives to be interesting in a fringe sort of way—yet also, wholly unnecessary.

We will often say “it’s hard for all of us out here” or “the economy is bad” and blasé blasé blah. The fact is, each Artists’ prosperity is based on a variety of highly personalized factors. I’m just laying out a few of mine.

There are some women who have been consistently supporting me for a very long time. I see and appreciate y’all, and please understand that this is not about you.

This is also not pertaining to those who regularly support me in non-monetary ways, but who are unable to pay for a subscription right now. I try to support readers who are in this category by gifting them a free subscription, to reduce barriers to my work.

This is about my holistic experience on this platform, and my vision for growth as an Artist and Writer.

In opening up here, I am not looking for pity or guilt subscribers. And if I needed donations, trust me-I would ask! I am playing the long game, and I seek sustainability in all that I do. I want people to support me because they value my work, and because they can. This is a much deeper issue than anything a bandaid can fix.

I decided to share my thoughts because I have been silently experiencing this for months, and I have to be honest. I don’t want to just put my head down and be grateful for the little I have, when I know that I deserve better.

As an Artist who is earns a living from my work, and who has put in the work, it’s very demoralizing. We’re told that when we monetize our unique talents, work hard, and grow our audience, we will prosper.

But what happens when the math ain’t mathin?

I love writing, and I will always be a Writer. But sometimes, I feel like I’m running on a hamster wheel.

At this stage, I have to be mindful about doing work that leaves me underpaid or depleted, or where a glass ceiling presents itself.

Growing my platform, particularly as a controversial writer—takes grit, grace, and a ton of energy. I already don’t fit in anywhere, which is part of why I’m self-employed! And the more I grow my presence, the more I sacrifice my ability to participate in broader society.

I intentionally monetize this platform so that I can offer myself a route of sustenance in a climate where sharing my voice locks me out of other work opportunities.

But I feel discouraged to continue pouring into this work, when I am receiving signs that I will not be properly supported in return.

I am not sure of how I’m going to move forward on this platform. I am in the works of creating an anthology, so I will for sure be posting about that in the coming weeks.

I still have lots of ideas, and I’m not shutting down my blog—but I have hit another crossroad of uncertainty.

I’m just being real, and trying to listen to my heart.