I finally worked up the courage to tell my upstairs neighbor that she had been waking me up with the furniture she drags across the floor in the middle of the night—right over my head.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I moved 5x in last 4 years, so many noisy and inconsiderate neighbours (and landlords), so tired to packing up all my things and moving again, so distrusting of people after not getting needs met over and over. Sleep deprivation is a tool of torture. People making noise are literally torturing their neighbours. I’m like, sheesh, what does a woman have to do to get some friggin peace and quiet?! I have the hearing of a wolf. Every tiny sound wakes me even with the world’s best earplugs. I crave community and flatmates would be great but tbh I just don’t trust anyone anymore with my wellbeing - need to go off to live in the woods lol (but that would be lonely too). It is SO hard to keep advocating for yourself in an individualistic world where nobody cares about anyone else’s needs and has the attitude of “well if you don’t like it, you can leave.” (Literally what neighbours or landlords have said to me). 😔😔😔
Yes, you understand. I can fully relate to this and I am sorry to hear you've moved so much in the past few years. That sounds exhausting. I too, am a light sleeper and I just want my home to be a sanctuary. I am also wanting community. I thought of living in a communal household but I can't imagine where would be a proper fit for me. Most communal living situations seem like explosions waiting to happen.
Sharing walls and close quarters with others is like rolling the dice on your wellbeing, and yet there is no other option in our society unless you are wealthy enough to buy a soundproof home or you isolate in the woods-the latter of which sounds pretty but I would feel starved of connection with others. Individualism is a really heartbreaking aspect of our culture.
For the most part, this place has been good to me so far but I am still adjusting, seeing how things go, and of course things can always change.
This apartment is not my forever home but it is home for now. I love this space and I have nowhere else to go. So whatever this chapter brings, I will need to adapt until I can reposition myself to have more options.
Oh yes other people's noise really affects me, or their inconsiderateness and blatant disregard for other people!!
I was at work and when we are all having lunch in the same room, a few people are listening to their phones loudly without headphones. So rude!!
I do not want ro listen to what Yr watching!!
One woman, I lived in a flat underneath hers, her son used to rollerskate on the wooden floor just above my head!!
I had to go and ask her to get hom to stop. She didn't like it though and things were frosty after that.
It can feel very challenging and you do feel you become a target after that.
You are right, we must use our voices. And also we must rest and heal and we won't always be able to use our voice and that's OK. We must be gentle with ourselves then.
I hope the situation improves for you and soon. 🙏🏽
Wow, rollerskating on the ceiling? That is nuts! It’s crazy what some people expect you to put up with. I have noticed that the people who get upset when you advocate for yourself, are usually people who have poor boundaries and do not think you should be entitled to your own. It’s almost like a “who does she think she is sort of mentality”.
It’s tough to rock the boat and very uncomfortable but we just have to do it sometimes, even if it’s to know we tried! Life has a funny way of working things out when we self-advocate, even if it’s a rough road.
I hear you, but as far as I know, Buddhists do not take an approach of ignorance. They just have a different approach to change and resistance. There was a Buddhist who publicly set himself on fire as a protest against destruction in his community. We can’t always cherry-pick from Buddhist thought because their approach to life is so different on a holistic level.
Also, I do have my own place! Unfortunately, having your own place is not an antidote to noisy or bad neighbors. That’s more of a matter of luck. Great that it’s quiet where you live. It is mostly quiet here too. Someone dragging their chair late at night does not necessarily mean the whole place is noisy, it’s just a matter of a single person’s actions impacting another, which can happen anywhere.
EDIT I felt how condescending and judgmental your last sentence was and I realized you're not even a free subscriber! This is why I make my comments paid-only. Say goodnight!
Yes but a Buddhist in a monastery probably doesn’t have to suffer torture of sleep deprivation via sounds at night. And not all of us can become monks - nor want to! I’d rather live in a world where *other people CHANGE* than a world where I have to meditate my way out of insanity, genocide, ecocide, capitalism, hunger, war, poverty and torture.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I moved 5x in last 4 years, so many noisy and inconsiderate neighbours (and landlords), so tired to packing up all my things and moving again, so distrusting of people after not getting needs met over and over. Sleep deprivation is a tool of torture. People making noise are literally torturing their neighbours. I’m like, sheesh, what does a woman have to do to get some friggin peace and quiet?! I have the hearing of a wolf. Every tiny sound wakes me even with the world’s best earplugs. I crave community and flatmates would be great but tbh I just don’t trust anyone anymore with my wellbeing - need to go off to live in the woods lol (but that would be lonely too). It is SO hard to keep advocating for yourself in an individualistic world where nobody cares about anyone else’s needs and has the attitude of “well if you don’t like it, you can leave.” (Literally what neighbours or landlords have said to me). 😔😔😔
Yes, you understand. I can fully relate to this and I am sorry to hear you've moved so much in the past few years. That sounds exhausting. I too, am a light sleeper and I just want my home to be a sanctuary. I am also wanting community. I thought of living in a communal household but I can't imagine where would be a proper fit for me. Most communal living situations seem like explosions waiting to happen.
Sharing walls and close quarters with others is like rolling the dice on your wellbeing, and yet there is no other option in our society unless you are wealthy enough to buy a soundproof home or you isolate in the woods-the latter of which sounds pretty but I would feel starved of connection with others. Individualism is a really heartbreaking aspect of our culture.
For the most part, this place has been good to me so far but I am still adjusting, seeing how things go, and of course things can always change.
This apartment is not my forever home but it is home for now. I love this space and I have nowhere else to go. So whatever this chapter brings, I will need to adapt until I can reposition myself to have more options.
Yes - rolling the dice, exactly! I always say it’s such a gamble where you end up. Who knows what the neighbours etc will be like
Oh yes other people's noise really affects me, or their inconsiderateness and blatant disregard for other people!!
I was at work and when we are all having lunch in the same room, a few people are listening to their phones loudly without headphones. So rude!!
I do not want ro listen to what Yr watching!!
One woman, I lived in a flat underneath hers, her son used to rollerskate on the wooden floor just above my head!!
I had to go and ask her to get hom to stop. She didn't like it though and things were frosty after that.
It can feel very challenging and you do feel you become a target after that.
You are right, we must use our voices. And also we must rest and heal and we won't always be able to use our voice and that's OK. We must be gentle with ourselves then.
I hope the situation improves for you and soon. 🙏🏽
Wow, rollerskating on the ceiling? That is nuts! It’s crazy what some people expect you to put up with. I have noticed that the people who get upset when you advocate for yourself, are usually people who have poor boundaries and do not think you should be entitled to your own. It’s almost like a “who does she think she is sort of mentality”.
It’s tough to rock the boat and very uncomfortable but we just have to do it sometimes, even if it’s to know we tried! Life has a funny way of working things out when we self-advocate, even if it’s a rough road.
I hear you, but as far as I know, Buddhists do not take an approach of ignorance. They just have a different approach to change and resistance. There was a Buddhist who publicly set himself on fire as a protest against destruction in his community. We can’t always cherry-pick from Buddhist thought because their approach to life is so different on a holistic level.
Also, I do have my own place! Unfortunately, having your own place is not an antidote to noisy or bad neighbors. That’s more of a matter of luck. Great that it’s quiet where you live. It is mostly quiet here too. Someone dragging their chair late at night does not necessarily mean the whole place is noisy, it’s just a matter of a single person’s actions impacting another, which can happen anywhere.
EDIT I felt how condescending and judgmental your last sentence was and I realized you're not even a free subscriber! This is why I make my comments paid-only. Say goodnight!
Yes but a Buddhist in a monastery probably doesn’t have to suffer torture of sleep deprivation via sounds at night. And not all of us can become monks - nor want to! I’d rather live in a world where *other people CHANGE* than a world where I have to meditate my way out of insanity, genocide, ecocide, capitalism, hunger, war, poverty and torture.