I Am The Real Deal, and I am Not Available For Foolishness.
This is a revised edition of the Epilogue for my memoir, Loving Her Reflection. This version of my epilogue has been exclusively written to close out my memoir excerpt series on this blog. You can read and listen to all other excerpts here. Thank you.
Our relationship ended on New Years Eve.
It was the first clear-skied, sunny day I had seen since the start of our affair.
A breath of life after eons of gray, cloudy murk.
Yet another era when nature reflected the state of my inner world.
.
For someone who consistently suggested that my body wasn’t designed to her liking…who always seemed to find something to critique about my very existence…
For someone who looked me in the eye and, out of the blue, told me that I’m simply not as committed to personal growth as her…
She sure had a very hard time letting me go when I finally walked away.
…
Her attempts to manipulate me back into bed with her continued to the very end
Until I had gathered enough strength and distance to see through her behavior, and disarm her through my words.
And in doing so, I did not use the abusive tactics she had used against me.
Instead, I was the one who firmly reminded her that I deserve better, that we both needed healing, and that our relationship had run its course.
It was time for our toxic little dance to come to an end.
With love,
I am the real deal, and I am not available for foolishness.
My ability to stand up for myself shocked her bark into a whimper.
She blocked me out and ran away with her tail between her legs, only to come running right back, desperate for more.
It’s interesting how bullies fall apart when you level the playing field, remove the veil, and hold a mirror up to their face.
Like vampires, they always shrink away in the presence of truth and light.
Some just fall to their knees, begging you not to withdraw their energy supply.
I am a very open-hearted woman, with a high capacity for tenderness and vulnerability.
Sometimes, those qualities make me look fragile, to those who perceive it that way.
I do indeed, have my weak areas and moments.
But deep inside, I am highly resilient, and I love myself fiercely.
Those who have preyed upon my vulnerability in my weakest moments are typically dumbfounded when I come back with strength, fire, and grace.
They had grown so comfortable with their projected idea of me, that they failed to see who I really am.
That’s okay, because
Who I am is not for them.
.
I never beat myself up over the misfortune of this relationship. Instead, I sought deeper understanding about how and why it came to pass.