Being Mansplained to About Why I'm Being Sexually Harassed and How To Handle It.
My Response & What I'm Doing Instead.
I recently published a note about the stress I’m experiencing while taking action against the man who is harassing me. However, I’ve turned off notifications because someone decided to use it as an opportunity to patronize me with very ill-fitting, unsolicited advice, while also putting me down for the way I am handling it so far.
This person (and I am assuming it’s a man) pointed out that the sexual harassment I’m experiencing is not about me being a single woman walking alone, and has more to do with “how I carry myself” and how visibly “intimidated” I appear, even though he has no knowledge of how I actually carry myself in public.
I was also advised to arm myself with a gun to “gain confidence” and so that I can “look like I’m the type to use it when necessary” and also, to get an aggressive dog. He finished off his armchair statement by telling me that I’m not making any progress with this matter, and that I shouldn’t let my fears get the best of me.
Being patronized is one of my biggest pet peeves, and as I mentioned before, both men and women love to project and patronize whenever I open my mouth about sexual harassment.
Suddenly, everyone else is the expert and I’m just a Little Bo Peep attracting wolves into my life because I’m too weak, not knowledgeable, strong, or smart enough to have disinvited the sort of humdrum abuse that most women experience.
Most notably, I must not have considered all of my options, so I need to be notified of them. I’m not doing what they think I should do based on the little information they have about me—so I must not be doing it right.
There’s a way people speak to me about sexual harassment that suggests I’m new, rather than a veteran who has managed to survive thus far in a world where I am routinely preyed upon.
There is no balance between me having a genuine need for support, and respecting the natural wisdom, self-expression, intelligence, and survival skills I carry.
The harm women experience as a result of a culture that dishonors our bodies, is not handled with care. Women are always asked to carry the burden for how we’re perceived by men, while being actively abused by them.
When it comes to finding solutions, we are asked to clean up the mess they made in our lives through a male-centered lens that doesn’t account for the reality of our experiences, and which doesn’t actually support us.