A Heartfelt Reflection on my Memoir
A beautiful review & thoughts on my healing journey
It’s been almost two years since I’ve published my memoir. Last week, I received one of the most beautifully heartfelt reviews, from a longtime supporter and fellow writer, Dee Dee Dhamma. I’d like to share her review here, alongside some words of exactly why it meant so much to me.
Nevline's memoir was such a gift for me to read. I found it in a moment when I was feeling so rejected, not-enough, lost, and financially insecure... walking back into the dysfunctional, abusive home of my childhood because my alternatives fell through, with no idea what I could do moving forward... And then, this memoir had my back.
Walking with Nev through some of her darkest and lowest moments, and being able to relate with someone who also grew up in a dysfunctional family was very helpful for me, and to witness how she persevered through these less-than-ideal situations and always choose to love herself, take care of herself, and prioritize her dreams and visions---that is the power of this book.
As a young writer and artist myself, I have found so much inspiration to continue to choose self-love, and to dive deeper into my own artistic gifts, at times when it feels like nobody else cares... I would not have had the confidence to do that on my own. After reading this memoir, I feel a renewed sense of beauty and awe at what is possible to achieve and overcome in this lifetime, no matter what your circumstances are.
If you feel soulfully connected to N3VLYNNN's artistic offerings, I'm sure this book is a gift that carries medicine for you to read, as well. Thank you, Nev, for one of the most nourishing reading experiences of my life. I look forward to reading and supporting this author's future works. ~
Awww 🥰
When I received this review, I was so deeply moved and heartwarmed.
First of all, this is exactly everything I would have hoped for, in sharing my story with other women. I didn’t hold anything back in my book. It’s probably one of the most raw, honest, and heartfelt works I’ve ever created.
I wanted to bring people along my journey as a Pole Dancer and Artist, to humanize my creative world, and share the challenges, wild stories, and wisdom I’ve gathered along my path. My life has been so rich and diverse, that I sometimes feel like I have lived many lives in one. This book I wrote is one life. That is why I write memoir(s). I know my story, my lived experience, is unique and valuable.
I know it can serve other women who are trying to find their way, too. It means the world to me, that it is serving its purpose.
But the other reason why I was so touched, is because I’m still figuring my shit out.
To be fair, in the Introduction of the book, I mentioned that this book is not written from the standpoint of someone who has it all figured out. No pretense necessary!
I’ve been through a lot in the past couple of years. Anyone who has been following me on social media for the past year and a half, or who knows me in real life, will know that, and may even have insight as to what I’ve been dealing with. Some of the challenges I dealt with in the book, are still things I am working on.
Publishing and sharing my book was like a climax in my life. It came after a rough time, just as things got better. Emotions cleared up at home, I fell in love, I found some community. Hosting my book launch party in Berlin was like a dream come true.
And then, right after that—everything came crashing down. Hard.
All of the family wounding, intergenerational trauma, relationship abuse, longstanding financial instability, and lack of sustainable community—unraveled all at once, like one big oppressive force. I had worked so hard to uplift myself for the past several years. I had just published my memoir about my journey towards healing and liberation!
Going back to square one after all of that, felt like I was doomed into a cycle that I could never escape. Earth felt like a prison planet, and I didn’t want to live anymore.
I’ve been clawing my way out, little by little, ever since then. I’ve come a long way.
So receiving this review, about a memoir that I wrote and finished before this Dark Age in my life—reminded me of my light, and how far I’ve come, regardless of the challenges I still continue to face.
At the beginning of this difficult period in my life, I reflected on all the work I had done on myself in recent years. I couldn’t fathom how I had come so far, only to land back in the same place. I felt like a failure. Since then, there are a couple of realizations I have come to:
Despite all the healing work I have done, there are still some core foundations I have yet to lay in my life to support and sustain my wellbeing.
There were some understandings I hadn’t yet reached about the source of the chronic pain that persisted in my heart, the root of my vulnerability to toxic households, unsustainable relationships, and frustrating cycles.
It hasn’t been all my fault-I really have done my very best over the years. I’ve had to accept that so much of my journey is influenced by the cards I’ve been dealt, and how I have naturally been positioned. Some things just take time.
My cards have come with a unique blend of great things, and terrible things. At the end of the day, it’s all about seeing them clearly and learning how to play them well.
I’ve had to be patient and gentle with myself as I take ownership of my journey, pick myself up off the ground, and continue carving out my unique pathway to freedom.
The healing work I’ve done has not been in vain.
To be honest, if I hadn’t started from a young age to be lucid about my wellbeing, and what that means for my life and relationships—I’d probably be dead by now. I would have either taken my own life the way my brother did, or I would have fallen victim to someone who would do it for me. Or worse— I would simply just be dead inside, walking around as a shell of myself, like a zombie.
The fact that I’m still here, alive, sober in a myriad of ways, and well (as well as I can be, given my circumstance)—and that I continue to do the work and prioritize my wellbeing in the spirit of hope and deeper self-actualization—is a testament to my healing. My wellbeing supports me, and it’s something I don’t take for granted.
I returned to the same toxic place where I once thought I’d never return, with a newfound knowledge of how to provide and care for myself, and a therapist in tow. Although it once seemed like I had regressed to Square One, I am not the same person I was, the last time I was here. I’m revisiting this place from a matured perspective.
It hasn’t meant my journey has been any less challenging, or that I don’t have dips in my mental health—or that I’ve got it all together—but I do have new tools to deal with those same old difficulties, and I am able to ground myself enough to get a clear understanding of how to heal sustainably and find joy in the process, instead of running away when it became unbearable, like I used to.
To be clear, I still take breaks. But I’m committed to walking away, not running.
Running isn’t always a bad thing. In the past, when I ran away, I did what I had to do. Running was me doing my best. It didn’t allow me to build all the foundations I needed to sustain the life I wanted for myself, but it served me for a time, and helped me grow. I am just in different place right now. I am playing the long game.
Sometimes it still feels like I’m walking on a tight-wire. I am still clawing my way out. But I believe that if I continue to do my best, my efforts will take me to a space that is right for me. I don’t know what that journey will look like, but I do believe it is possible for me.
I’d like to thank DeeDee, for her heartfelt and inspirational words on my book. Check out
, y’all! She's working on her own memoir, and she has been very outspoken on her platforms about women’s rights in this current paradigm.For those who would like to read my book, please feel free to make a request here.
Thank yew.
🙏🏾